#( please put the description along with the symbols

[pascals-doll]

candy

ellie williams x reader

🫧 happy valentines day to all my beautiful followers | enjoy this vday special 🩷 am i uploading this ar midnight because a bitch had classes and work yes but its valentines (was technically) IM GGONNA WRITE AN ELLIE FIC 🧘‍♀️

🫧 inspired by the song candy by doja cat | bed of roses PT2

🫧 description: fluffy, cute surprises, reader knows how to know paint a bit, just fluff, cute fluff,ellie sings to you (i took the scene from the game because i cherish it sm) smut, SLUT SMUT💋, power dynamic, dom!ellie, sub!reader, you and ellie live together, reader is PUSSYHUNGRY (mmm im so- i would do anything for that tsunami), reader eats out ellie on stairs (you’re welcome), fingering, praises, no use of y/n, use of petnames like doll, mama, and good girl, very little degradation, hair pulling, clit sucking, face grinding, cum eating, just ellie getting eaten so good! enjoy

She's just like candy, she's so sweet

but you know that it ain't real cherry

know that it ain't real cherry

🫧

it was valetines day today which meant ellie got to spoil you rotten; it is very well- deserved.

you would always be very thoughtful with your gifts.

this valentines day, you sneakily woke up around 1 AM and worked until dawn on customizing a wooden workstation that you got her for her artwork.

you knew you had work in the morning but you would do anything for the woman who’s protected you, provided for you, and pleased you.

you painted the workstation very carefully a dark earth-green. you let each coat of paint dry before beginning to carefully paint details on it.

you were going to paint symbols for each of her favorite memories onto it. you took references from her own beautiful drawings.

one of the details you painted were the beginning of Joel’s; now her guitar, painting even the moth.

one of the guitar strings then ran around the whole work-station, dragging the brush till the end.

you began to draw small moths and different flowers with herbs carefully placing them along the string line.

lastly, finishing it up by drawing a silhouette of the both of your bodies intertwined, then painting an outline of ellie’s knife and joel’s gun side by side on the side of her workbench.

once you were done, you carved both of your initials into the side of the workbench.

you transfered all of her essentials from the small broken down drawers; that could barely hold up to her made with so much love customized workstation.

you made your way back into your shared warm bed, careful not to wake up ellie.

sunrise made its way into the sky, ellie waking up now as you now slept.

ellie noticed you got up in the middle of the night, searching for your warmth but she shrugged it off before knocking into slumber again.

ellie got up very quietly, planting a kiss on your head before heading into her work room to get her guitar.

she walked into her art room, stepping as she scans the room. she immediately stopped in her steps, her eyes falling onto your beautiful workstation.

ellie’s heart pounds outside of her chest, tears wanting to form in her hazel eyes as a rush of emotions take over her.

she walks around the small wooden dark-green station, her handing brushing it softly as she takes in your designs.

she couldnt help but think about although you had work sadly on valetines day, you still did this for her.

this was bigger than the world to ellie.

you were the most perfect girl and if one thing was for certain, ellie would be spending an eternity of valetine’s day with you.

🫧

I can be your sugar when you're fiendin' for that sweet spot

Put me in your mouth, baby, and eat it 'til your teeth rot

I can be your cherry, apple, pecan,

or your key lime

Baby, I got everything and so much more than she's got

you were now currently at work, you hated how you got called in today.

you asked ellie if she was going to be good with you going to work today, in which she responded by pulling down your panties.

lets just say, you had a very pleasant morning before going into work.

while you were away at work, ellie got to work on her surprise because eating your cum for breakfast wasn’t enough.

she went to almost all the floral shops she could, selling them out of their pink and red roses.

ellie covered the entryway with petals, even the staircase that leads upstairs, and leading all the way up into your room.

the living room, she had a fairy lights hung along with pink lit candles on the ground.

ellie had a huge case of flowers waiting for you, wrapped in the arrangement of your inital.

that was only the downstairs, your room was filled with more surprises.

your shared bed was covered in rose petals, a couple small gifts waiting for you while your surprise gift was tucked away by ellie.

ellie finished up any last miniute preparations before you came home from work.

she changed from her pj shirt and boyshorts from this morning to a flannel with a black-tee and some baggy shorts that exposed her Calvin Klein lining.

She's just like candy, she's so sweet

But you know that it ain't real cherry, know that it ain't real cherry

She's just like candy, she's so sweet (She's so sweet)

But you know that it ain't real, know that it ain't real

🫧

you came home a bit exhausted but excited because you picked up a teddy bear that held a heart with the writing “i love u” on it from a street vendor, leaving your job.

once you made it home, beginning to turn the keys to step through your front door.

you open the door to see your beautiful auburn-hair girlfriend.

she was sitting there on your shared loveseat, her beautiful fingers strumming her guitar.

the melodious tone from the strums of her guitar strumming the song your love for each other shares.

she began to sing softly “talking away” your hand cant help but go ovee your mouth as you felt tears begin to form.

the sound of her silky voice singing through your ears, making your heart pound and face hot.

“today’s another day to find you”

you could listen to ellie sing for the rest of your life, tears were already streaming down your face. ellie couldn’t look you in the eyes while she sang because if she did, she wouldn’t be able to finish.

you made her heart go a million miles per minute like a schoolgirl crush.

you made her stomach flutter like she was born with a butterfly nest inside her.

you made her soul shine like the sun after never-ending rain.

ellie finished serenating you, putting her guitar down

she finally looked up at you, clutching a teddy bear with tears streaming down your face.

before ellie could say anything, you ran into her arms; immediately taking you in to her embrace.

this was a feeling words couldn’t express, but only actions.

your heart felt like it was going to pop out of your chest with the clash of ellie’s lips onto yours.

you weren’t alone with ellie barely being able to catch her breath but so desperate for you.

the way your lips moved with such hasty movement but yet still passionately and amorously.

you began to walk towards the staircase, lips not leaving a moment. your eyes slightly opening time to time to make sure you were guiding you and ellie correctly.

“all i wanted-“ you began but were interrupted by her lips again.

“all day was to” ellie pulled away momentarily to let you continue.

“come home to this” you whined out against her lips, your tongue slightly licking over them.

🫧

Sugar coated, lies unfolded, you still lick the wrapper

It's addictive, you know this, but you still lick the wrapper

Sugar coated, lies unfolded, you still lick the wrapper

It's addictive, you know this, but you still lick the wrapper

you were fillied with arousal and need to please as you dropped to your knees…on the staircase. you could careless at this given moment.

your hands ran through her back, feeling each crevess of each toned muscle, then coming back around to her arms.

you gave her strong-toned arms a soft squeeze before having them go up to her chest. you needed to have her.

“doll i got a surprise in the room, lets-” ellie begins but you didn’t care.

“no” you said, looking her in the eyes as you unzip and unbutton her shorts “right here, right now” you whine out, pulling down ellie shorts completely.

ellie would be lying if she said you dying to eat her out on each other’s staircase wasn’t the hottest thing, especially on fucking valentine’s day.

it was you, how could she deny you.

“that desperate, mama?” she teases you as you peck her toned abdomen. you gave her a slight whimper as you nod.

she brings herself down to sit on the stairs, grabbing you by your jaw to pull you in for a kiss.

your lips meet again, your hand traveling down into her boxers immediately feeling seeping slick cunt “you drive me insane” you moan out, your mind was so drunk by her.

she had you high on her scent, taste, look, and touch. anything ellie did could have you on your knees, just like this.

your fingers begin to rub her clit in circular motion causing her breathing to hitch and soft moans of content escape her mouth as your lips travel down to her neck.

you begin to suck on the skin as your fingers massaged her clit, slightly putting pressure here and there causing ellie to let out gentle-yet-loud groan.

ellie’s hips began to rise to meet your hand “my beautiful doll-s’good f’me” she mumbled under her breathy moans.

you were sure you left her a purpletrail from her neck leading into her shoulder before going down a couple more steps.

you waste no time in pulling off her boxers, meeting with her wet pussy “s’pretty els, i love you.” you were just completely dazed by ellie at this point, wanting to please her and have her taste on you for days.

“you gonna drool or eat up, doll?” ellie smirks, she knew the effect she had on you and it made you fiend to please her even more.

your hands go to spread her thighs open a bit more before diving your head in between her legs. you met face to face with her juiced pussy, her slick coating your tongue as you lick a stripe.

“ah fuck, doll!” ellie moans out, her hips slightly bucking against your face as her hand had a grip on your hair.

the way you were on your knees on these steps buried into ellie’s pussy, your tongue collects her juices as you begin to swirl your tongue around her clit sucking softly.

she tasted just like candy, you grab her one of her thighs, hooking it up to balance on your shoulder.

the wider angle made her throw her head back “s’fuck doll! just like that. eat it just like that.” her vile voice praising the way you took the way she slopped her pussy against your tongue.

ellie began to work herself towards her orgasm on your tongue, her hand following the movement of your head.

you ate her out like this was your last meal, not wanting to let a single drop “god fuck-y-you’re insane!” she whined out as you worked you fucked her with yout tongue.

ellies stomach stomach flexes, her toned abdomen becoming more prominent as her breathy moans turn into pants and loud gutteral moans as you took your free hand; licking her asshole all the way up to her clit.

“fuck fuck fuck, doll! s’such a good girl” ellie’s hand swore she could’ve pulled your hair our by now but you could careless, the only thing on your mind was making this woman cum.

she deserved the way you ate her with delight, completely letting her use your face for her orgasm.

your nails dig into her thigh as you feel yourself slowly loosing your breath; but you were not leaving till she had came all over your face.

“s’close god! youre such a fuckin’ slut f’me.” her orgasm finally riding out.

“atta girl, lick it all up again.” she praises, pulling you back up from her pussy to her lips, tasting herself momentarily before her hand finds the back of your head guiding you to the white cum-beed that seaped out of her now fucked-out hole.

you licked her from asshole up, completely picking up her cum onto the tip on tongue causing you moan out as your lips were wrapped around her.

once you pulled away meeting her eyes, her cum covering your lips causing your face to glisten lightly.

“you’re a demon” ellie brings you into her embrace on the stairs.

“its not my fault you’re my favorite candy”

🫧

She's just like candy, she's so sweet

But you know that it ain't real cherry, know that it ain't real cherry

She's just like candy, she's so sweet

a/n > part 2 ??? 😇

[kittenintheden]

What the heck your story replies are perfect! Umm let’s see: What if a Tav that’s still learning to read asks Astarion to read aloud some of the books she pilfered reclaimed from their latest temple exploration.

It’s porn. Very, very descriptive porn. Bonus if it’s vampire porn.

"Astarion?" Tav says quietly, poking their head around the open flap of his tent. They find him sitting cross-legged inside, his eyes scanning over the book laying open in his lap. He looks up at their inquiry and lifts his chin with a cavalier smile.

"Well, if it isn't my favorite companion," he says, voice lilting. "What can I do for you?"

Tav clears their throat and ducks inside, settling on their knees just beyond. They have a book of their own in their hands, their fingers impatiently tapping against the cover. "I wondered if you might be up for giving me another reading lesson."

He hums, tipping his own tome shut and setting it aside. "Something from that broken up old temple we found today? Give it here, let's see."

Hesitantly, they hold it out for him and he accepts it, gaze scanning the binding. He lifts a brow, then flips it open and peruses a page. Then another. He snaps it shut again.

"I don't know if this is the best book for a, ah," he says, contemplating his next words. His mouth tics up on one side as he glances them up and down. "Reading lesson."

Tav frowns. "Why not? I thought you'd be interested, given the picture on the cover."

Astarion peers down at the cover and huffs a laugh. "Well. I can certainly see why you'd think so. The resemblance is... resemblant."

It's a finely-wrought etching of two people, one swooning against the other. The figure behind supports the other about the waist with one hand, the opposite pulling their hair aside to reveal their neck. The dominant figure leans toward their throat as if for a kiss, pointed teeth showing past their lips.

Tav shrugs. "Is it too advanced? Is that why?"

Astarion gives a sharp laugh and puts his fingers in front of his mouth as if he's trying to put it back. "Erm, no, dear. I think you could puzzle through it just fine."

"Okay..." Tav says, perplexed. "Then what?'

"Bleeding Hells," he mutters, rubbing a forefinger in the space between his eyes. "Why don't you try reading the title out for me? Let's start there."

Tav takes the book back and looks at the lettering on the front. It's the Common alphabet, so not too terrible to parse, though they're still working on some of the more complex blended sounds.

"In..." they start, running their finger beneath the words and feeling the soft leather beneath. "the... Embra... Embrace?"

Astarion is leaning on one hand and he gives a patient nod.

"In the Embrace... of... the... Nig... Nig-het..."

"Night, sweet thing," Astarion says softly. "G beside H is silent."

"Right," Tav says, looking again. "So, In the Embrace of the Night... stalker."

"Try again."

Tav studies the letters again. They spot their mistake. "Nightsucker."

Astarion nods.

They look very pleased with themselves, beaming at him. "Got it! What's the problem, again?"

The vampire closes his eyes and holds his hands in prayer position in front of his lips as if he's steeling himself. He opens his scarlet eyes and moves his hands away. "Shall I read you a page or two to start? Maybe then you'll understand."

Thrilled, Tav nods and returns the tome, sitting themselves more comfortably as Astarion leafs through the pages.

"Ooooh," he says, his voice lifting. "This passage looks promising." He lowers the book in front of him so Tav can scoot around and follow along as he reads, committing symbol to sound.

Astarion's carefully kept fingernails run along the text inside, showing where he's reading. In his practiced, soothing Upper City voice, he begins to read. "A creature of the night is good for only two things: destruction or seduction. Perhaps both at once, if a person is lucky. And tonight, Yolanda is very, very lucky."

Tav subconsciously nods along, feeling a little thrill of pride every time they mentally catch the word before Astarion says it aloud. Their companion continues to read about Yolanda and her new vampiric friend, until the story takes... a bit of a turn.

"Yolanda gasps rapturously as Armondo suckles at the crease of her thigh, skin flushing as his sinful tongue laps closer and closer to the place she needs it most, to her swollen secret spot, and when at last he catches it in a languid swirl, she keens out his-"

Tav puts their hands on either side of the book over Astarion's and forces him to snap it shut, their cheeks flaming. Slowly, they turn their head to find Astarion's face very, very close, a look of deep amusement in his eye and a smirk stretching his lips.

"I have to go," Tav says. "Keep the book." Their legs aren't immediately cooperative, but when they manage to get them to respond, they scramble inelegantly for the exit. "Good night."

"Sweet dreams," Astarion calls after them, still smirking. Once they've gone, he opens the book back up to that same passage.

"What will Armondo do next, I wonder," he whispers.

After about a minute, when he's sure Tav is safely tucked away in their own tent and likely screaming into their makeshift pillow, he clears his throat and squirms, reaching down to adjust the front of his trousers. They've gone quite tight.

[generalsdiary]

flowers... for me?

gn!reader x Dan Heng

warnings: none

word count: under 1k

a/n: i read somewhere that men only receive flowers at their funeral- while this ain’t that sad nor referenced to that, it made me think of how dan heng would react to getting flowers ^^, not beta read we miss firefly in this house

description: you gift flowers to him, sweet tooth-rotting fluff

„flowers“ you extend your hands, handing over the beautiful bouquet to him. „yes. I can see. they look fresh, healthy. T- hm... tulips, I believe? I'll have to check in the data bank.“ he graciously turns around tapping on a small screen in the archive. „yes I think those are tulips. I am not as acquainted as you are with Earth's specimen, so apologies for taking a moment.“

you smile, he must be oblivious. with hands still outstretched you softly call out his name, „Dan Heng. they're for you.“ there's a pause. he slowly turns back around to face you. „flowers? for... me?“ you nod. „there's a custom to gift one's significant other with gifts and or flowers.“ smiling brightly at the stoic man with a neutral expression which to you translates that he is flustered. „I see. well then, I grow more accustomed to such traditions of this planet you cherish each day.“ his fingers caress against yours as he takes the bouquet in his hands. „…thank you“

„you should put them in a vase and add some sugar in the water so they last long, and perhaps cut the stem diagonally, they will take water in better that way.“ adorably you give him directions on how to take care of it. „please, I know how to take care of plants and similar species.“ he sighs softly and closes his eyes for a moment. “any particular reason behind this kind of flowers? aren’t roses the most popular Earth’s flower?” “they are. I chose tulips, red tulips because of their meaning. but, also, you could try searching for the meaning or what they symbolize- I don’t have to tell you~” you smirk, taking a small step back, teasing the poor man. he sighs, reaching out with his free hand to delicately take your hand in his, “tell me. it is obvious you wish so”, his lips press soft kisses over your knuckles and fingers while you answer. “among other things, they mean eternal, forever-lasting love.” his lips freeze for a moment, hovering over your hand, the faintest blush covers his cheeks. he blinks a few times, and after gaining his composure he gazes at the flowers, “I didn’t take you for the romantic type”, moving his gaze at you. “it’s hard to not be a romantic with someone as gentle and patient as you.” you just seem to be out for his heart today, he glances away. between feeling flustered and happy he is reminded of how in love with you he is.

your hand cups his cheek, thumb caressing his cheekbone, nudging him ever so slightly with soft moves to look back at you. “you might want to press one flower between the pages of a book, to preserve it.” he nods, “yes, that is a pleasant idea. in that cause, one flower shall be preserved.” he picks out a tulip, pulling it out of the bouquet, and brings it to your lips, “may I request…?” he quietly, almost like he is shy in this bold action, asks. your lips move against the soft petals, careful to not create a crease on the fragile flower. to your surprise, Dan Heng also moves, his lips meeting the petals on the opposite side of the same flower, his cyan eyes making unmoving eye contact with you, making your heart skip a beat.

the intimate moment passes, yet it leaves a warm atmosphere behind it. Dan Heng sets the single tulip aside, eyes lingering on it and his fingers move along the stem. in his mind, he is appreciating the flower, and in your eyes, those fingers are moving a bit seductively, you almost want to call him out on flirting in such a coy nature. your mind begins to imagine how those fingers would feel on your cheek, caressing in the same gentle way, and your eyes close at the comforting image.

you feel a hand on your cheek, caressing gently, “are you alright?” Dan Heng wonders, you appeared to have wandered off in your head. you open your eyes and meet his. the sight and the feeling of his touch fill you with a sense of joy, peace, and contentment. “I love you.” the words come out easily, you say them like it is the most natural thing in the world. he smiles, looking down at the flowers in his other hand, and looks back up at you. “I love you too.”

his gaze is filled with love and loyalty to you only, so when he talks the words seem to blow past the both of you as your focus is on each other, “I’ll have to ask Pom-Pom about a vase then.” “they will be more than happy to help out, I’m certain” you know how Pom-Pom is excited to be needed and they will probably be overjoyed to have such a sweet request. you depart your lips to say how he had you jealous over a flower but the words die down in your throat as you two don’t break eye contact, you smile. it is a personal, romantic moment, belonging only to you two. he blinks, smiling as well, surprisingly he also states something similar to your thoughts- which is quite unlike him, “you had me jealous over a flower. kissing it so… gingerly.” Dan Heng chuckles dryly. “will you kiss me as tenderly as it?” he makes a simple hushed plea.

“always” you move closer, your nose brushing past his, making your lips meet. and you could swear they feel softer than the tulip’s petals and taste sweeter than the flower’s nectar.

[psychics4unet]

Pick A Card: How Your Future Spouse Will Influence Your Goals! 💫🔮

Instructions: Look at the 3 images of the piles below. Choose the pile that you feel most drawn to. Trust your intuition and select the one that resonates with you the most. Once you have made your choice, scroll down to read the description for the pile you selected.

I put a lot of effort into this reading, so please show some love by leaving comments, likes, reblogs, and follow me! ❤️💬✨

Paid psychic reading (7 questions for just $7) is available here:

Pile 1:

The Lovers 💖 Three of Pentacles 🛠️ The Star 🌟

The Lovers card suggests that your future spouse will play a significant role in your personal goals through a deep and meaningful connection. This partnership will likely be built on mutual respect and shared values, which can positively influence your ambitions. Three of Pentacles indicates that collaboration and teamwork will be key, showing that your future spouse will support you in achieving your goals and contribute their skills and insights. The Star card symbolizes hope and inspiration, suggesting that your future spouse will bring a sense of renewed optimism and motivation to your life, helping you stay focused on your aspirations.

Together, these cards highlight a relationship that will be deeply supportive and inspiring, encouraging you to reach your personal goals with a renewed sense of purpose and collaboration. Your future spouse will not only be a partner in life but also a key contributor to your personal success and dreams.

Love this post? Spread the positive vibes by reblogging with your favorite pile number! Remember to like, comment, and follow me for more tarot insights and spiritual guidance. By sharing this post, you'll invite positive energy from the universe into your life. Let's journey together towards enlightenment and fulfillment!

Pile 2:

The Magician ✨ Five of Wands ⚔️ Nine of Cups 🎉

The Magician card suggests that your future spouse will have a strong influence on your personal goals by bringing a sense of creativity and resourcefulness. They will help you harness your potential and manifest your dreams. Five of Wands indicates that there may be some challenges or conflicts along the way, but these will be opportunities for growth and learning. Your future spouse will encourage you to overcome obstacles and stay focused. Nine of Cups represents emotional fulfillment and satisfaction, suggesting that achieving your goals with your future spouse will lead to a deep sense of happiness and contentment.

These cards together show that your future spouse will be a powerful force in helping you achieve your goals, navigating challenges together, and celebrating successes. Their influence will lead to a more fulfilling and satisfying journey toward your aspirations.

Love this post? Spread the positive vibes by reblogging with your favorite pile number! Remember to like, comment, and follow me for more tarot insights and spiritual guidance. By sharing this post, you'll invite positive energy from the universe into your life. Let's journey together towards enlightenment and fulfillment!

Pile 3:

Wheel of Fortune 🎡 Two of Cups 💞 Seven of Pentacles 🌱

Wheel of Fortune suggests that your future spouse will bring significant changes and new opportunities into your life, which can impact your personal goals in unexpected and positive ways. Two of Cups indicates a harmonious and balanced partnership, showing that your future spouse will be a source of emotional support and encouragement, helping you stay aligned with your aspirations. Seven of Pentacles symbolizes patience and long-term planning, suggesting that your future spouse will be instrumental in helping you carefully plan and work towards your goals, ensuring steady progress and growth.

Together, these cards reveal that your future spouse will play a crucial role in navigating life’s changes, providing emotional support, and helping you achieve your goals through careful planning and patience. Their presence will bring stability and positive transformation to your personal journey.

Love this post? Spread the positive vibes by reblogging with your favorite pile number! Remember to like, comment, and follow me for more tarot insights and spiritual guidance. By sharing this post, you'll invite positive energy from the universe into your life. Let's journey together towards enlightenment and fulfillment!

Attention! This reading is for entertainment purposes only. This tarot reading does not give a 100% guarantee that all the described situations will occur or being ultimate truth. You build your own life and destiny and only you know yourself best. Remember to reblog, like, comment, and follow for more cosmic guidance and positivity!

Paid readings (7 questions for just $7) are also available for more in-depth insights and personal guidance! 🌟💫

[haunted-xander]

Chiaki hasn't seen the two girls since she helped them deal with the Monokuma hoard. The only notable people she's met are a few of the captives scattered about, all wearing an armband with the Monokuma eye symbol on it. The girl Fukawa-san was with was wearing one too... She must've been a captive. She has Fukawa-san and a hacking gun though, so she's probably fine... I think.

There was also a pure white Monokuma covered in bandages that tried to talk to her, telling her about a 'secret hideout' he'd been bringing surviving adults to. Chiaki didn't trust a word of what he said, so she left him alone, vaugely taking notes of the bear's description of the supposed hideout. Just in case. Even if he acts friendly, I can't trust him. His claims of an advanced AI only makes him more suspicious. If this was a video game, I bet there'd be a twist reveal at the end that the hideout was a trap all along and Monokumas would swarm the place and kill all the adults. That 'Shirokuma' is bad news.

Out of the corner of her eye, she sees a blue-haired kid run away from the nearby shrine. That kid... he's part of the 'Warriors of Hope', right? What's he running from? ...Maybe Fukawa-san and that girl are over there... I should check it out. Having made her decision, Chiaki cautiously walked up the stairs.

By the time she had walked all the way up, Toko was laying on the ground talking with the girl. The girl sounded like she was crying. Unexpectedly, she heard a familiar voice coming from behind them. Chiaki was still too far away to make any words out, but there was no mistaking it. Komaeda-kun...? What's he doing here? This can't be good...

She got as close as she dared, making sure to be quiet all the way. Now able to see Nagito clearly, she noted that he had a single mitten on his left hand, a metal chain collar around his neck, and... face paint? Crudely scribbled all over his face. He briefly glanced her way, and she quickly ducked behind the torii gate's pillar. It'd be bad if I got spotted... I could end up putting those two in danger. And... I don't want them to know my relation to Komaeda-kun... As she could now hear them, she started paying attention to the scene.

"Well, personally... It's for the sake of the game. Byakuya Togami is important to you, is he not?" Togami-kun? Did Komaeda-kun... "Then allow me to lend a hand. See, you'll still make it if you go now." What's he talking about? Did he make a deal with Fukawa-san? Nagito opened the lid of the small container and poured pepper over Toko's face, who covered her nose and tried not to sneeze. "Toko!" The unfamiliar girl made to move towards her, "Don't come near me! You, you...! Run!"

Right after she said her warning, Toko sneezed and promptly jumped up, twirled in the air and masterfully landed on her feet. "TA-DAAAA! Don't get your blood on my glasses~ I'm the Cinderella of the slaughter flower garden~ AHAHAHAAHHAHAAHA!" Her voice and body language was completely different, now resembling more how she was when Chiaki met her holding back the Monokumas. "Please... Please stop!" The girl tried to plead with her friend, but to no avail.

With her scissors ready for attack, 'Toko' dashed forward in between Nagito and the girl at a speed Chiaki could barely process. She swore she saw the scissors making an 'X' in the air from the slash. Clearly expecting to be the one hurt, the unfamiliar girl's face shifted into shock as Nagito's thighs started bleeding as his knees wobbled and he fell down.

Standing up, 'Toko' started making mocking blabbing noises, "SHUT the hell up, you lanky wavy-haired bastard!" By now she had turned around to face him. Chiaki guessed she was scowling at him, though she couldn't see 'Toko's' face to confirm it.

"Ah, oh right. Even though you two share knowledge, you don't share memories, correct?" Nagito's reply was calm, completely unbothered by his wounds. "So then, you have no idea who the real enemy is. An honest mistake I suppo-"

"You IDIOT, it's no mistake." 'Toko' started walking closer. "What I share with her isn't just knowledge. She and I also share... emotions." 'She'? "If we didn't, there's no way we'd both love Master." Pointing her scissors at his face, she continued, "And my emotions are telling me this: To kill you and let Dekomaru escape." 'Dekomaru'? I get the feeling that's a nickname... "And you're something of a pretty boy yourself, so I can kill you as I like, no remorse~" Why would it matter if he's pretty? ...Ah! Could it be...?

"Haa, I see. So you've stopped trying to take advantage of Komaru Naegi. Is that friendship?" 'Komaru Naegi'... So that's the other girl's name. 'Naegi'... She's probably related to Naegi-kun. Sister, maybe? He has mentioned having one...

"HUH?"

"To travel the harsher path for the sake of protecting your friend... Such beautiful friendship... I truly think it's a... splendid thing." ...Well, Komaeda-kun's being his usual self at least. "But, aren't you a serial killer? A person who has no problem taking lives to satiate your own lusts." Oh, so I was right. She is Genocider Syo. Guess that explains some things. "For someone like that... saying things like 'friendship' or 'friends'... Do you not find it strange? Or even shameful?"

As Nagito finished talking, Syo retreated the scissors and statted clutching her stomach. "MhmhmhahaHAHAAHAHAHAHAAA-HAAH I CAN'T BREATHE! 'Friendship'? 'Friends'? HahaahaHAHAHAHAHAAHAAA!" The moment she finished laughing, she grabbed him by the hair and lowered her face to be eye-level with him. "Obviously freaking not." She lifted herself back up and threw her scissors back preparing to stab. "WHO ARE YOU CALLING MY FRIEND!?"

"No! You're my friend!" Komaru rushed and grabbed Syo's arm with her entire body, hugging it close to restrain it. Annoyed, Syo grunted out, "Uggghhh what are you doing... Let go!"

"No, I won't! I mean, you made a promise with Togami-kun, right? You said... you wouldn't kill anymore. If you keep your promise, you can be an official member of Future Foundation." She's not one already? ...I guess they'd be wary of recruiting a serial killer... "That's why you... you just can't!" Komaru voice cracked, clearly keeping back tears, but Chiaki could still make out the corner of a smile. "I...never thought of you or Toko as abnormal. You're just a little strange, that's all. But even so, you're important to me! No matter what, you're a precious friend and I won't let you do this!" Her voice cracked as she finished speaking.

"You know... You're probably wasting your time." Komaru's attention shifted to Nagito. "After all... She knows she needs to kill me. Togami-kun's life is in danger as long as I am alive. If she breaks the promise we made and let's you escape..." She looked back to Syo, and made a decision. "...I'll stay. If that's how it is. If I stay in this city and go with her, then it's fine, right?"

"That's right-"

"HEY" Syo broke out of Komaru's hold and released Nagito. "Do you know what the hell you're talking about!? You were crying and whining about escaping earlier, remember!? Now what, you changed your mind?"

"I still want to escape! I'm still scared, even now! But you feel the same way, don't you? You're still scared, but you tried to help me escape. You hid how scare you were inside, didn't you? There's no way I can run now, leaving you behind!" Syo lowered her head at Komaru's words, her voice getting quiet. "...As expected. You just don't get it."

She stabbed her scissors towards Komaru's neck, just barely avoiding cutting the skin. "I betrayed you. I betrayed you, you know!?" Not at all fazed by Syo's actions, Komaru grabbed the scissors with both hands and spoke. "...No. No, you didn't. And you're suffering from guilt, aren't you?" She smiled "If you're hurting, you can tell me. I'm an unreliable, normal girl who can't do anything... But...I can at least do normal things, right? And it's normal for a friend to help a friend." Speaking louder, "I'll... stay. No matter how much you say no, I will definitely stay with you, alright? I've... decided."

Syo finally let up and turned her back to Komaru, now facing the stairs. Chiaki made sure to hide herself more discreetly. "...Man, so annoying. All that lip-service talk I hate, so irritating. Anybody can just say something." Komaru started to look more and more dejected. "In that case, I'm a great detective, an austronaut, a reporter and a tera-suuuuper beauty!"

Finishing her mockery, Syo lowered her head. "...And besides, you have absolutely no idea what I'm really like." Komaru took a step forward. "What do you mean?"

A long pause followed, the silence finally breaking at Syo's reply, "...There's no way I'd say no."

"Huh?"

"Rather... Thanks."

Komaru broke out into a relieved smiled, the tears disappearing "...Toko!" She ran towards her, when Syo's face suddenly scrunged up and she sneezed, switching back to Toko. Now feeling awkward, Komaru tried to explain herself, "...Oh. So, um. About what just happened..." Toko started to blush and twiddled her fingers together. "I-it's alright... I kinda figured out what was happening..."

"Huh? Really?"

"F-friend...? T-the last time I was called that w-was in a dream I had in grade school..."

"That's pretty depressing..." As the two girls' conversation started devolving into banter, Chiaki tuned them out and focused her attention back to Nagito.

"Well, guess it turned out alright. If Komaru Naegi had run away, the hope of this city would've gone with her... To prevent that... A wound like this will not dimish my resolve. ...Though it does hurt." As he spoke up, the girls remembered that he was still there, and focused their attention back to him. Toko approached him first. "It's time you started talking. How do we release Master Togami?"

"All you have to do is defeat the Final Boss. You save the princess after defeating the Final Boss, right? ...In theory."

"In theory...?"

"I was not the only one who came up with the plan to take you to the children's base. I have a partner... But I'm not sure what they are planning, to be honest." So Komaeda-kun is a part of this after all... Guess I should've expected that. He is still Ultimate Despair... "Wh-who is that...?"

"There's no way I would tell you that. I have... already been disqualified from the game." I wonder why he keeps talking like it's a video game. Maybe the kids have something to do with that? "But, it'll be alright. No matter what kind of despair awaits you, hope will overcome it. The deeper and darker the despair... the brighter and more powerful the hope born from it." ...Typical Komaeda-kun.

"Yeah... you're crazy alright." Oh, you have no idea... "You are seriously disgusting... You're like three steps below vomit in a toilet." ...That's a bit far. Clearly ignoring their comments, Nagito ended his exposition. "Anyway, all you need is to progress forward. I will support you until the very end."

"So in order to get Togami-kun, we have to stop the children's rioting, right? Then... I'll do it. There's no other choice." Komaru turned to look at Toko. "...Right, Toko?" Turning to Komaru as well, Toko questioned, "B-but... are you sure you can do this?"

"There's no way I can accept leaving you behind. Thanks to you, I've come this far... And not just that... Maybe I'm not really attached to this town, but I will save my friend."

"Komaru..."

Nagito started talking about hints or something, telling them where they should go now. Chiaki wasn't really paying attention anymore, but she did catch Komaru talking about a 'resistance', and mentioned Shirokuma alongside some 'Towa' guy. At that, Nagito mentioned an alternative route they could take to arrive at the resistance hideout. ...Not very secret, now is it, Shirokuma? Having made their decision, the girls went back down the stairs and left the area, neither of them noticing Chiaki behind the pillar.

"...You can come out now, Nanami-san. There's only me left here." Chiaki jumped, not expecting Nagito to have noticed her. She cautiously peeked out from behind the pillar, looking around to make sure there really wasn't anyone else around, and stepped out once she had confirmed it. "...Komaeda-kun. I didn't expect to see you here. You look... different."

"Ah, right. I apologise for making you see me like this. I must be such a repulsive sight."

"...That's not what I meant. It just suprised me. ...Did those kids draw on your face? Should I wash it off?" Deciding to focus on the more simple change, she pointed out the... less than professional face paint. "Ah, that. I completely forgot about that, haha. Little Monaca-san got annoyed by me, so she told the other kids to draw on my face as punishment, that's all."

"...I'm definitely wiping it off." She pouted as she dug into her bag for tissues. Finally finding them, she took them out and started wiping Nagito's face paint off. Since the tissue was dry, she ended up just making a smudgy mess instead. Annoyed, she put her hand back into her bag, hoping she has a spray-bottle of water or something. She took out an ordinary water bottle and poured a tiny bit onto the tissue, trying to wipe his face again.

"...You, ah, really didn't need to do this, Nanami-san. It was my fault for ticking off Monaca-san to begin with..."

"Shut up. The face paint looks stupid so I'm removing it. ...And there! all gone." She stepped back and reviewed her work, nodding to herself when she confirmed there was no face paint left. "...Now, what about the other stuff?"

"...Other stuff?"

"You know the... Mitten and chains. Did the kids put those on too?" Honestly, she found the sole mitten weirder than the chain. A chain collar seems like something Komaeda-kun would be into, it wouldn't surprise me if it was some kink thing he forgot to take off... But the mitten seems out of place. "Ah, those... Well, the chain collar was indeed from the Warriors of Hope. I have been working as their servant for a while now, so it is not odd for them to chain me to signify that."

"Oh, I see. That makes sense. ...And the mitten?"

"Well-" Nagito was cut off by the sound of moving metal coming from behind him. "...Ah, it seems we are out of time. I do hate to cut our reunion short, but I believe you should leave now, Nanami-san."

"Komaeda-kun...?"

"Ahaha, do not worry about me. I will be fine. Now, go. I will live, but you will be killed on the spot if he sees you." Who's 'he'? "...Alright. But I'll be looking for you later, okay?" Nagito simply smiled in reply and waved with his right hand.

As Chiaki turned her back to him and walked away, she started thinking about how she hadn't seen Nagito use his left hand at all. Did something happen to it...?

And with that, she walked away from the sound of heavy metal.

[cafehyunji]

Moonlight

Description: You both have wants, needs and desires. But what will it take for you both to take on these emotions? (Semi proofread..?)

Content: dom!reader, Sub!shuri, fluff, smut, oral (shuri receiving), small amount of angst,

Translations: Sthandwa sami - My Love, Kumkanikazi - Queen, Intoni Ingxakhi - What's Wrong?, Sthandwa - Baby

A/N: Hey y'all! sorry about how long it took me to post this story, with dealing with family stuff, school work, and editing. I didn't have time to continue working on it, but now that I'm now kinda in a better place. here is the finished product!

Playlist: Spotify Apple Music Musi

When you see the symbol (*) play the third song on the playlist…

The wakandan city view in the moonlight always captivates you, the moon, and its light, shining brightly among everything in its path, showcasing the beauty of the semi-known country. Being the queen's lover, you have the pleasure of seeing a well-rumored beauty instead of hearing about it, seeing the aura that the city thrives from the love and joy of the people. 

You hear the door open and take notice of the time, noting that your partner has returned late once again. "hello my love" whispering from the dark and quiet atmosphere, still viewing the people passing by below you. "you’re late, again." Still staring at the faint, but the alive nightlife of the city below you. "I know, and I’m sorry." Coming over to the balcony where you’re slouched over the railing, you straighten yourself up and turn around to look at her.

"This is the fourth time Shuri." You gave her a look of disappointment and disapproval. “I know and I’m sorry,” Putting her hands on your waist, pecking you on the lips. “Let me make it up to you hm?” Moving to the neck. “Shuri, this isn’t how this works” Stopping her and walking back into the room adapting to the now comforting heat that your body missed while standing out in the brisk air. Most of the time when Shuri came back late, and tried to “make it up to you” it would end up in Shuri, making love to you, but you were tired of that. You wanted to be in control and you wanted to see her beg for you. You wanted her to mean what she said, and so. You did. 

••• 

After winding down and changing, you and Shuri haven’t spoken one word to each other. Only taking glances when either of you is not looking, you both gather into bed with Shuri trying to sleep, and you try to read away the situation at hand. While you read Shuri rolls over, and stares at you, “intoni ingxakni?” still looking at the book. “Nothing” Staring at you with now eyes filled with lust. “lies, what is it'' Finally flipping to a new page, “nothing, just thinking about something.” Biting her lip, roaming her hands anywhere she can on your body. You stop reading and pull her face close to yours. “What are you thinking about in that pretty little head of yours hm?” Kissing along her neck sloppily. “Fuck. I need you,” You look up at her what used to be her brown eyes, now filled with lust.

 “Please, my love. Touch me”. *

You close the gap with ease, kissing each other with passion. One is passion and lust, and the other is passion and raw love. You pull on the hem of her nightshirt, telling her to take it off. Once it is off you break the kiss and look her up and down, taking in every part of her before she crumbles right in front of you. You continue to kiss her neck, earning a slight moan and whimper from the girl. To say the least, you have never seen her like this; you have never seen her so fragile.

 You move down her body, making sure you kiss every spot on her body you can before latching onto one of her breasts, pulling her nipple into your mouth while fondling the other. This was enough to put her over the edge, but you didn’t care. After playing with her breast for a while, she began to become impatient. You listen to small whimpers turn into larger ones, “what is it Sthandwa?” “say it with your words my love.” Slightly smirking. Waiting for her to say something, “please fuck me. I cannot wait any longer.” You laugh at her cries of desperation to be touched. “So impatient of you kumkanikazi” You smirk, “we're just getting started.” You move your attention down her body, getting into her wetness and kissing her inner thigh slowly, softly making her squirm and quickly closing her legs. “open them.” Forcing her legs back open into their previous position. You moved back to her wetness, seeing a wet spot on her briefs. You started taking them off inch-by-inch slowly, making her suffer slightly longer. You get them off and throw them across the room and begin stroking her slit with your index. “all of this for me?” glancing up at her, and then back to the pool created between her folds. “Only you, sthandwa sami.” Smirking the question slightly. You move your finger and replace it with your tongue. Licking in between her folds causing her to moan. “Fuck” Elongating the word till there's nothing left to elongate. 

In collaboration with your tongue, you added a finger to the pool of her wetness. “Fuck, Y/n right there. Please.” Moaning into the feeling of your finger pulsating in and out of her. Adding in another finger, you feel Shuri’s walls clench around both of them “I-I’m coming, please d-don’t stop” Rolling her hips to the rhythm of your fingers, moving closer and closer to her edge. “That’s it baby, come for me. Come on my face for me.” You suck her clit harder than before, causing her to hit her edge. Her moans paint the room, like music to your ears as you continue to suck and lick on her sensitive clit, helping her ride her orgasm out.

©cafehyunji 2023

[friendofcars]

i've revised my trb chapter 36 notes and they've somehow expanded to ~15 pages. you can read them here (i've also pasted the text into this post under the cut). the notes don't constitute an essay or produce a coherent thesis but they're a pretty comprehensive list of observations and interpretations i drew from the chapter.

TRB chapter 36 notes (content warning for abuse)

Last updated: 230610

“’The buck stops here,’ Ronan said, pulling up the hand brake. ‘Home shit home.’” This is the first chapter where Adam and Ronan are the only main characters present- their first scene entirely alone, set in the BMW before Adam gets out. I’m thinking about a few things: how differently Ronan and Gansey talk about Adam’s trailer, his parents, his poverty, etc.; how Ronan’s flippant insults and nonchalant offers of help (despite genuine concern) are less alienating to Adam than Gansey’s more openly heartfelt concern, since it’s paired with criticism of Adam’s pride and a tendency to command rather than suggest (full disclosure- I love Gansey and understand his point of view, but it’s clear why his approach upsets Adam more, and I think Ronan, having felt smothered by Declan, is more capable of empathizing with Adam on the matter of refusing help moving out); the recurring theme of cars being a place of refuge and solace for Ronan and how he wishes Adam would stay inside the BMW (even though he knows he won’t). I didn’t verify what I’m about to say so if I remembered incorrectly please let me know, but I’m pretty sure that we see Ronan drive Adam in the BMW to the trailer park twice (in this chapter, and in TRK when Adam scries while Ronan drives [the “wrong devil” scene]). Nobody else drives Adam home (although Gansey repeatedly stops by to pick him up). Gansey is constantly bringing Adam away from the trailer, for good reason (and practical reason too- sometimes they’re just going to class). Ronan brings him back, setting Adam up to confront his life and make decisions to change it. I know someone else has written a tumblr post about Ronan putting Adam in these types of situations and it’s very insightful and I’d love to cite it here (so if you wrote it or know who did, please tell me!). But ultimately this sets up an arc that ends with Adam driving the BMW alone for a final conversation with his parents, in which he can come and go from the trailer independently and in control of his interactions with his parents- the effects of the abuse are not erased, but his character arc has such a trajectory that he’s able to get some closure on his own terms via his hard-won autonomy and healing (the BMW/Ronan has played a key role in establishing both).

“In the dark, the Parrish family’s double-wide was a dreary gray box, two windows illuminated.” The description of the double-wide has gone from pale blue in daytime to an absence of color- things are even more grim. No love, no liveliness. A strong contrast to the home from which they’ve just driven (300 Fox Way, which has a bright blue exterior). The illuminated windows seem like omens or warnings rather than beacons. ���Box” implies simplicity, a lack of architecture, a constraining place, a place in which one might be trapped. I’m thinking about how the flat ceiling of a box-like trailer also contrasts with the multi-sloped attic of 300 Fox Way, perhaps symbolizing Blue’s family’s proclamation of Blue’s potential versus Adam’s family’s stifling of his talents, needs, wants, etc.

“It was a comfortable enough arrangement; Adam and Ronan weren’t in a fight at the moment, and both of them were too startled by the day’s events to start a new one.” Not that they don’t get genuinely upset with each other on page (things get heated in BLLB as the development of their relationship becomes more prominent/less subtextual), but I feel like we get told that Adam and Ronan don’t get along but they…usually…do, from our vantage point. When they do have conflict in the first book, it doesn’t seem as heavy/personally directed as when Adam and Gansey fight. I get the sense that a lot of their bickering is routine and low stakes, especially since the passage tells us that the day’s chaos and threat to Gansey’s safety has jostled them out of their typical (mundane?) arguing.

“Adam reached in the back for his messenger bag, the one gift he’d ever permitted Gansey to give him, and only because he didn’t need it.” I remember this sentence being critical to my understanding of Adam’s character the first time I read this series. Adam accepts the one gift he doesn’t need because he could get rid of it and suffer no dire consequences if the friendship ended. He wouldn’t have to rearrange his carefully made plans over a messenger bag if he wanted or needed to give it up at all. There’s no desperate gratitude or a gnawing need to pay back a debt- it’s superficial, not connected to his precarious survival, no implied reliance. There’s also something in here about a bag being used to carry things (burdens?) that I’m trying to tease out into words but haven’t yet. whoreshoecrab also made the brilliant observation that a messenger bag is more of an academic, white collar (and relatively impractical) choice of bag which I think plays into Adam’s willingness to accept something since it doesn’t highlight his desperate need for the bare necessities.

“Another silhouette, distinctly Adam’s father, had joined the first at the window. Adam’s stomach curdled.” We don’t get much information about the relationship between Mr. and Mrs. Parrish (although Adam’s later concern about leaving his father’s gun behind implies that Robert also abuses his wife), but here there’s an implication of a united front against Adam. His stomach going sour is a visceral description of his fear- how terrible to go home to danger rather than safety. This sentence reminds me of one from TDT in one of the Gray Man’s chapters: “The Gray Man’s stomach wrung itself out… His brother had never intended for him to pick up; he merely wanted this: the Gray Man stopping the car, wondering if he was supposed to return the call. Wondering if his brother was going to call back. Untangling the wired threads in his gut.” (TDT, chapter 7), both serving as descriptions of a particularly physiological, visceral fear stemming from abuse.

“He tightened his fingers around the strap of his bag, but he didn’t get out.” Tightening -> builds tension in the narration as Adam braces himself for a confrontation. I mentioned this already, but cars often serve as places of refuge in the series. Ronan goes to wait in the Camaro after his brawl with Declan in TRB chapter 7 and after Calla goes for his neck in TRB chapter 15; Adam lingers in the BMW to delay having to go home in this chapter. Adam joins Ronan in the BMW in TRK in silent solidarity as Ronan grieves.

“’Man, you don’t have to get out here,’ Ronan said. Adam didn’t comment on that; it wasn’t helpful. Instead he asked, ‘Don’t you have homework to do?’ But Ronan, as the inventor of sly remarks, was impervious to them. His smile was ruthless in the glow from the dash. ‘Yes, Parrish. I believe I do.”’ A suggestion, not an order (i.e.. You don’t have to get out here vs. don’t get out here). Adam’s arguments with Gansey are often about how Gansey views/treats Adam; Adam’s arguments with Ronan are often about how Ronan wastes the time he has, the time he could be using for school work, the time Adam wishes he had. He’s genuinely frustrated that Ronan wastes such a precious resource, but the frustration is with a behavior that doesn’t have anything to do with himself (if he doesn’t compare himself to Ronan, which is another can of worms). Adam ignores Ronan’s comment- would he have ignored such a statement from Gansey, or started to argue? Would Gansey have ever phrased it like that? We get more insight into how they interact/communicate; Adam avoids arguing over serious circumstances but is comfortable resorting to banter since he knows there’s no risk of actual offense. There’s also a microscopic bit of dramatic irony here if you’re re-reading since the outcome of the events in this chapter directly lead to Ronan doing his homework in earnest.

“He didn’t like the agitation of his father’s silhouette. But, it was unwise to loiter in the car — especially this car, an undeniably Aglionby car — flaunting his friendships.” This chapter obviously shows Adam’s father’s physically abusive nature but also demonstrates how absolute his effect on Adam is, whether or not he’s actively enacting the abuse. Adam is constantly tuned to his father’s posture and follows a set of rules designed to minimize conflict and harm to himself. For someone running so low on time and sleep, this perpetual monitoring must add an additional layer of exhaustion. There’s no place to hide- to stay safe in the BMW is to potentially worsen his father’s mood, and to go home is to put himself in the path of danger anyway. Re: it being unwise to flaunt friendships: this was also crucial to me understanding Adam and his independence/lonesomeness; because the Parrishes are poor and Adam’s friends are wealthy, and mentioning his friends (which is criticized as flaunting) threatens his father’s insecurity about their poverty, Adam is conditioned to see connection and community as shameful, as a betrayal to his roots (which he is also taught to see as shameful- there is no winning). In the context of his family, he is safer on his own (but in the context of the world, he cannot move forward alone, and this is a lesson he must learn).

“If he shows up for class,” Adam replied, “I think that the reading will be the least of his concerns.” Subtle threat/hint at Adam having zero remorse for Whelk in future chapters

“There was quiet, and then Ronan said, ‘I better go feed the bird.’ But he looked down at the gearshift instead, eyes unfocused. He said, ‘I keep thinking about what would’ve happened if Whelk had shot Gansey today.’ Adam hadn’t let himself dwell on that possibility. Every time his thoughts came close to touching on the near miss, it opened up something dark and sharp edged inside him.” Like Ronan calling Adam “man” and “Parrish,” referring to Chainsaw as “the bird” serves as an example of Ronan keeping his emotional distance, maybe as a way of giving Adam space in a tense situation, maybe to disguise Ronan’s intense emotions. Ronan engages with his concern for Gansey by obsessing over the worst case hypothetical outcomes; Adam (who is typically concerned with planning for all the possible futures) chooses to avoid thinking about such fears at all. As explained in the remainder of the passage (next section), Adam cannot fathom a life without Gansey. This is a clear reminder that Whelk is Adam’s foil, not someone on a parallel path- for Adam, harming Gansey/Gansey’s mortality is too heavy to even think about, much less plot out. Something dark and sharp edged- a hole, a grave? In BLLB when Adam figures out that Gansey is on the St. Mark’s Eve death list, the narration says, “his heart was a grave” (ough). A place to bury impending grief? Or, if you’ve read TD3, this sounds a lot like the Lace, which is to say it sounds a lot like fear and insecurity and terror and being seen and the infinite and abandonment and grief and a lot of other things I haven’t processed yet.

 “It was hard to remember what life at Aglionby had been like before Gansey. The distant memories seemed difficult, lonely, more populated with late nights where Adam sat on the steps of the double-wide, blinking tears out of his eyes and wondering why he bothered. He’d been younger then, only a little more than a year ago.” Not only is Adam currently repressing the thought of a life without Gansey, he recurringly prevents himself from crying. Adam alone at Aglionby, struggling to adapt and feeling like a fraud, with no one to believe in him but himself, is incomprehensibly sad. “Lonely” followed by “populated with” makes it seem like the late nights themselves were Adam’s only company.

“His hand worked on the steering wheel; something was frustrating him, but with Ronan, there was no telling if it was still Whelk or something else entirely. “No problem, man. See you tomorrow.” This assessment of Ronan (aside from an incidence of Ronan in motion/his kinetic way of processing emotion), in my opinion, serves to illustrate Adam’s self-perception and paradoxically egocentric and unselfish thought process (he’s self-centered in the sense that he has to prioritize his own needs to survive and is constantly worried about how he acts and feels and interacts with others and looks and on and on but is unselfish in the sense that he doesn’t consider the possibility that Ronan might be frustrated and worried about Adam himself). Ronan is reeling from grieving Noah, worrying about Gansey almost getting killed (which was a pre-existing fear, as we know from chapter 16 and the wasp encounter). And while we’re on the topic of chapter 16 and the aftermath of chapter 33, I hadn’t realized until now that Gansey’s “dual vision” when death is imminent (“Two narratives coexisted in his head. One was the real image: the wasp climbing up the wood, oblivious to his presence. The other was a false image, a possibility: the wasp whirring into the air, finding Gansey’s skin, dipping the stinger into him, Gansey’s allergy making it a deadly weapon.” And “Gansey had that same, detached feeling that he’d had in Monmouth Manufacturing, looking at the wasp. At once he saw the reality: a gun pressed against the skin above his eyebrows, so cold as to feel sharp — and also the possibility: Whelk’s finger pulling back, a bullet burrowing into his skull, death instead of finding a way to get back to Henrietta.”) is perhaps an effect of him living two lives at once, at both dying and surviving twice (but sort of at the same point at the time loop because both deaths and rebirths are temporally linked to Noah’s favor, powered by Cabeswater and the ley line). ????????????????

“With a sigh, Adam climbed out. He knocked on the top of the BMW, and Ronan pulled slowly away. Above him, the stars were brutal and clear.” Who else notably sighs? Noah, another target of physical violence. Ronan is slow, reluctant to leave. Over the next few pages (as Robert berates Adam and accuses him of lying) Ronan continues to slowly leave the driveway because Adam can still see his break lights (antithetical to a stereotypical Ronan response- speeding off recklessly). The brutal and clear stars- perhaps an acceptance of the inevitable cruelty he is walking into? Adam feels destined or cursed to suffer, maybe as if fate, is cold and uncaring. (but does he believe in fate? Evidence in TDT chapter 8 says yes, if not literal fate but a general doomed-by-your-origin/bloodline sentiment, although he also persistently rewrites his narrative and seeks autonomy in his own life, so I don’t think there’s a clear answer. If anything, if he does believe in fate, he sees it as mutable and probably something not named fate at all). I think it’s also notable that the stars are a source of calming comfort to Blue, rather than harsh and distant observers of her struggles. “The stars were brutal and clear” always reminds me of Javert’s Suicide from Les Miserables: I am reaching but I fall/ And the stars are black and cold/ As I stare into the void/ Of a world that cannot hold.

“Hi, Dad,” Adam said. “Don’t ‘hi, dad’ me,” his father replied. He was already revved up. He smelled like cigarettes, although he didn’t smoke. “Come home at midnight. Trying to hide from your lies?” Adam graciously attempts civility; Robert eschews all pretense of acting like any sort of father at all. He’s already agitated, by Adam breaking curfew (which he’s broken for good reason, though Robert doesn’t and can’t know this) or by anything else in the world- his anger is out of Adam’s control. We’ve recently learned Adam does not like to be accused of lying from his encounter with Declan (TRB, 31). The cigarette smell on an adult non-smoker is probably indicative of the company they keep- co-workers? Friends, if he has them? An affair if Adam’s mom doesn’t smoke? The midnight curfew is surely a measure of control rather than care, and is relevant to interpretation of Adam’s constant meticulously meted out aliquots of time (for school, for work, for friends, for sleep) and deep envy for/resentment of those that have time and waste it- not even his own time exists outside the shadow of his father’s fist. 

“Adam’s knees were slowly liquefying. He did his best to keep most of his Aglionby life hidden from his father, and he could think of several things about himself and his life that wouldn’t please Robert Parrish. The fact that he didn’t know precisely what had been found was agonizing. He couldn’t meet his father’s eyes.” Emphasizes Adam’s need to always be hiding, keeping secrets, protecting the truth. Ronan is also familiar with the burden of keeping secrets in the name of safety. More description of the physical impact of abuse on Adam (in addition to the actual physical abuse- here I’m referencing the physical manifestations of fear and dread). I’m really interested in Adam’s relationship to his body throughout the series (and I’d have to dig up some other notes to elaborate but his POV chapters often pay acute detail to physical sensations, he dissociates on a number of occasions, his sacrifice of his hands and eyes and ongoing struggle for autonomy on physical and psychological levels especially as the unmaker/demon gains access to his hands and eyes, his healing occurring metaphorically via ley line work/outside of his own body, being alive because he bleeds, perhaps positing his awakening in BLLB as a reintegration of his mind and body after that pivotal scrying scene, etc. I would LOVE to discuss this more but I think I to collect my thoughts or the input from someone else on which to reflect- but this is probably the foundation of a legitimate essay imo). The liquifying sensation intimates a dissolution of the body, or the loss of restrained solidity and form, an unwilling spilling out of his tightly rehearsed outward projections. And finally, not knowing what his father found = lack of control = lack of strategy to defuse the conflict and protect himself.

“Robert Parrish grabbed Adam’s collar, forcing his chin up.” This is a repeated gesture in this chapter: a proprietary, controlling action, forcing Adam to make eye contact he’s trying to evade.

“Think fast, Adam. What does he need to hear?” Adam ends up carrying the burden of resolving the abuse inflicted on him, as if it’s his responsibility and not just a deescalating survival tactic. In TRB chapter 32, Blue muses that Adam isn’t often lost for words- but here, he’s scrabbling for words (he’s too panicked for his words/intellect to cooperate). This is another example of Adam’s solution oriented nature (the mechanic, the scientist)- here is a problem; how do I solve it?

“His father drew Adam’s face a bare inch from his, so that Adam could feel the words as well as hear them. ‘You lied to your mother about how much you made.’ ‘I didn’t lie.’ “Do not look in my face and lie to me!’ his father shouted.”  This is one of the more visceral, tactile chapters in the book, with the narration appealing to sensation to convey the intensity of the conflict. The physical nature of the scene also highlights the running theme of Adam’s relationship to his body- how it’s integral to his survival but also how he bargains it away and how it betrays him, the duality of mind and body, etc. I’m remembering that in chapter 31, Adam is highly displeased to be accused by Declan of lying. And not that it really matters, but I wonder if Robert not originally realizing how much money Adam has to accumulate in order to cover the remainder of his tuition is due to a) a lie by omission or b) him simply not listening to Adam’s needs in the first place. Robert also keeps invoking Adam’s mother as she stands idly by, perhaps to emphasize that everyone is against Adam, as if Adam alone is in the wrong here. It’s also interesting that the yelling here is italicized rather than capitalized. I don’t think the books are entirely consistent about this, but I believe we see capitalized yelling from Maura, Neeve, and Jesse, at least. Because the characters’ internal monologues are also italicized, we get a visual representation of how Adam’s parents’ cruel statements worm their way into his own self-talk and therefore self-esteem, self-perception, and reflexive victim blaming (Adam later muses that he has some sort of Stockholm syndrome). The italics in external dialogue and internal monologue collectively simulate abuse survivors’ internalization of abusive rhetoric against themselves. It’s also a little impressive how quickly a knot forms in my stomach at hearing a father say the phrase “your mother.” Has anything good ever followed that phrase?

“When his father’s hand hit his cheek, it was more sound than feeling: a pop like a distant hammer hitting a nail. Adam scrambled for balance, but his foot missed the edge of the stair and his father let him fall.” I’m thinking about hands as tools used as weapons (recurring knife motif in the books, especially in TDT, and how Adam works with his hands, offers up his hands to Cabeswater and in the process the demon uses his hands to nearly kill Ronan). Previously, sound and feeling converged; here, they diverge; Adam is possibly dissociated from the violence to some extent (like a distant hammer, more sound than feeling, etc. … a hammer is also a tool that could be used as a weapon). Adam is literally scrambling for balance here (but also does so figuratively at all times and is often quite successful at maintaining his tightly orchestrated and exhausting equilibrium). The precise nature of Adam’s fall here is brutal- the hit doesn’t make him fall, but it knocks him off balance and the subsequent misstep makes him fall, which his father makes no effort to prevent- the abuse not only aggression but neglect, which is to say control in both positive and negative (not good and bad, but additive and subtractive/maliciously neutral) ways.

“When the side of Adam’s head hit the railing, it was a catastrophe of light. He was aware in a single, exploded moment of how many colors combined to make white.” The prose... The pain is absolute, infinite, world-ending. A railing is a safety feature; a parent is obligated to prioritize their child’s safety. Adam’s injury involving the railing is a testament to his parents’ failure to consider his safety at all. When Adam comes to on the ground, his face, especially his mouth, is “caked with dust” (which frequently appears when Adam expresses shame about his roots); I take the dust as a symbol for a dearth of love given that water repeatedly stands in for love and longing. It’s also a reference to Adam from the Bible being made of the earth. I think his mouth being mentioned in particular references his usual ability to talk his way out of scrutiny and concern or hold his own in arguments, but in the trailer park, his words don’t work as weapons.

“Adam had to put together the mechanics of breathing, of opening his eyes, of breathing again.” A bit of a symbolic rebirth moment, coming back to life. Similar sentiment: “a miracle of moving parts, a study in survival.” My original notes for this chapter said, “I do think this could have been revised though- ‘breathing’ is repeated but not rhythmically or frequently enough (in my opinion) to actually simulate the act of deliberately inhaling and exhaling to self-regulate.” But as I’m re-reading, I understand the choice better. It emphasizes that to live, you must breathe, and breathe again, (and this is relentless), which in turn emphasizes the labor Adam puts in to take yet another breath, to keep going (but the effort to breathe is so great that it’s impossible to consider anything past this breath and the next). Maybe it’s not meant to be a cycle but a Sisyphean climb. Adam has to choose his path forward over and over again.

In Adam’s head: “Just go, Ronan.” He thinks this as he’s rising to his feet after his head hits the railing and sees Ronan’s brake lights go on. The light (Adam indirectly associates Ronan with light multiple times in the text) should be a symbol of hope, but Adam is both too proud and too ashamed to want to hope/accept Ronan stepping in on his behalf. Is this the first time someone not-Parrish has observed the abuse first hand and not just lingering evidence of it? Ronan becoming a direct witness is a line they can’t uncross, a truth Ronan can’t un-know.

“’You’re not playing that game!’ Robert Parrish snapped. ‘I’m not going to stop talking about this just because you threw yourself on the ground. I know when you’re faking, Adam. I’m not a fool. I can’t believe you’d make this kind of money and throw it away on that damn school! All of those times you’ve heard us talking about the power bill, the phone?’” There’s just so much awful here- the victim blaming, the immediate trivialization of Adam’s injury, the devaluation of Adam’s education and opportunity for freedom, and the guilt-tripping over financial burdens a child shouldn’t have to cover, the implication that Adam is running some sort of con, etc.

“His father was far from done. Adam could see it in the way he pushed off his feet with every step down the stairs, from the coil in his body. Adam drew his elbows into his body, ducking his head, willing his ears to clear. What he needed to do was put himself in his father’s head, to imagine what he had to say to defuse this situation.” Keen observation of body language, pattern recognition, (and conscious use of empathy – understanding his father’s thoughts to protect himself). We see these behaviors from Adam in a variety of contexts outside his household; his survival tactics have become ingrained, and while they keep him safe and probably make him a better student too, what is the cost? Exhaustion, mistrust, hypervigilance, repression, isolation. Defusing the situation is what Gansey references back in chapter 7- Adam keeping things quiet.

“But he couldn’t think. His thoughts crashed explosively across the dirt in front of him, in time with the rhythm of his heart. His left ear screamed at him. It was so hot that it felt wet.” Re: previous discussion of mind/body duality, dissociation, etc. his thoughts feeling like they’re outside his body in a dynamic/describable way, the distinction between his ear and himself and the pain transmitted between them, etc. An inability to think as a critical loss given his reliance on his perceptive and intelligent nature.

“Grabbing Adam’s collar, he pulled his son up, as easy as he’d lift a dog. Adam stood, but only just. The ground was sliding away from him, and he stumbled. He had to struggle to find the words again; something was fractured inside him.” In this instant, Adam’s body is at the mercy of his father. This is from where his desperate drive for autonomy comes. Gansey fears that something essential in Adam will break- I’d posit that Gansey fears Adam’s inherent goodness or happiness or youth or curiosity or humor will be trampled beyond help; Adam’s fear of something breaking is more along the lines of his self-assumed potential to be violently angry/a threat to others being unleashed, as if his ability to choose to be good will shatter. Dog/collar – what does this evoke? Adam often laments his upbringing through metaphors about animal behavior (he feels cursed by both nurture and nature. I think this observation is in conversation with my earlier questions about Adam’s thoughts on fate). The ground slides away- the foundation of the world moves (much like the earthquake when he sacrifices himself in Cabeswater); the moment is unstable and unsafe; Adam is unsupported. Struggling for words is unusual for sharp-tongued Adam, but he’s too threatened to think as he usually does.

“’To do this,’ Ronan Lynch snarled, smashing his fist into the side of Robert Parrish’s face.” Reading about Ronan swinging at Declan from Gansey’s POV (nooooo) versus Ronan decking Adam’s dad (YES). I get the feeling that Ronan has been waiting for an excuse to do this for a rather long time. A core aspect of Ronan’s character is not hesitating to cause some damage for a cause in which he believes (especially in TD3).

“Beyond him, the BMW sat, the driver’s side door hanging open, headlights illuminating clouds of dust in the darkness.” Ronan (the BMW) being a source of light in a field of dust, taken with Adam finding the light switch in a previous chapter (29) only once Ronan appears -> Ronan as a source of light (probably more accurate to say source of energy) in Adam’s life.

“Out of his right ear, Adam heard his mother screaming at them to stop. She was holding the phone, waving the phone at Ronan like that would make him stop. There was only one person who could stop Ronan, though, and Adam’s mother didn’t have that number.” Adam’s mother has been a silent bystander while Adam’s dad screams and berates and hits Adam, letting him fall and blaming him for “theatrics,” but as soon as Ronan steps in, she yells for the violence to end. Gansey helps mediate the fight in Nino’s parking lot (TRB, 7)- but Gansey (i.e. Ronan’s impulse control) is not here. The bit about Adam’s mother futilely waving the phone of all things at Ronan is so fitting- she’s found the person perhaps most scornful of phones and telephonic communication on earth.

“Get up, Adam. He was on his hands and knees. The sky looked the same as the ground. He felt fundamentally broken. He couldn’t stand. He could only watch his friend and his father grappling a few feet away. He was eyes without a body.” without a body: dissociation from the current pain and overwhelm; foreshadowing to sacrificing his eyes (and hands) to Cabeswater. The empty, unreal sensation of incredulous “how can this actually be happening” is terrible, and he feels it here. (The sky mirroring the ground reminds me of one of my favorite concepts, probably because of the tomb/shroud quote from the Les Mis chapter about the drowning man; the motif is best summarized as “as above, so below”, which is particularly fitting for the Magician.). I can’t help but think of the sky and the ground as mirrors, reflecting one another in perpetuum like Neeve’s in the Fox Way attic, between which Persephone’s soul gets lost from her body. In “my” tv adaptation (or any visual adaptation really) I’d have Adam’s posture on the ground here (before he gets onto his knees) be the same as Persephone’s on the attic floor when she dies scrying. The fight proceeds without Adam; he has lost a say in his narrative for the time being.

“It was all just noise. What Adam needed was to be able to stand, to walk, to think, and then he could stop Ronan before something awful happened.” The cops show up incredibly quickly here, unless the fight is particularly long and/or Adam’s sense of passing time is warped. “What Adam needs” is a recurring and often tense theme in his character arc, and as usual, his needs are linked to a drive for autonomy, capability, and independent action. We get evidence of Ronan and Adam’s developing, mutual, and unspoken care for each other- the instinct to protect the other, often at the expense of their own wellbeing. Adam, while he’s already gravely injured and unbalanced, worries about something awful happening- but something awful HAS happened, has been happening.  I’ll go on a bit of a tangent here because “it was all just noise” that Adam wants to filter out reminds me of things like signal to noise ratio, electrical impulses and synapses, electricity and ley lines, and how once Adam becomes the magician, he learns to scry intentionally (metaphor- healing from, or at least understanding, dissociation) and to rewire the ley line (metaphor- rewiring his brain as he heals, eventually distinguishing Cabeswater from his father, and accepts the necessity of connecting with others to do so/accepting the dual risk and reward of love, connection, magic, etc. which are double-edged swords in this context). I’m jumping ahead here, but I think Adam’s awareness of the way in which he takes in data from his environment, synthesizes a response, and acts accordingly is always relevant. Ever the scientist and all that.

“This can’t happen. He can’t go to jail because of me.” This is one of Adam’s sacrifices – pressing charges and losing his home/a say in how and when he leaves the trailer, all to keep Ronan out of jail (and expulsion, and Declan-induced eviction from Monmouth, and self-destruction, et cetera). In some ways, this is The Big Sacrifice of the book (and the bargain with Cabeswater at the climax gives an additional magical and metaphorical layer of commentary? discussion? on how and why Adam makes sacrifices and the consequences that arise from them). There are a lot of similarities between the sacrifices. I haven’t read the latter chapter in a little while, but from memory: “he was eyes without a body” links to “I will be your hands, I will be your eyes,” both of which play into the overarching theme of Adam’s fight for bodily autonomy, dissociation and eventual reintegration of body and mind (BLLB I am alive because I bleed chapter is crucial to this), a focus on his senses and how they become unreliable as he processes the events of the first book, etc. The foundations of Adam’s world figuratively (first sacrifice) and literally (second sacrifice, with the earthquake/stampede) shift beneath his feet. In the center of the pentagram, there is no sound at all. These vestibular and auditory effects of the magical sacrifice emulate detail from the mundane counterpart, which sets up the narrative about Adam learning to distinguish between the two (Cabeswater is not the boss of you, etc.). There’s also the parallel intervention of Ronan/Cabeswater on the behalf of Adam’s safety that forces him to make decisions/confront the consequences, even though Ronan intervening catalyzes Adam’s sacrifice of his pride, autonomy, and home and Cabeswater intervenes against Whelk after Adam sacrifices himself to the forest…much to chew on here. Mirroring experiences, perhaps. I’ll also say that one thing I really appreciate in TRC is that the metaphors don’t obscure the real life experiences (like you pointed out, Adam dissociates because of his magical connection/sacrifice to Cabeswater, but also as he copes with his father’s abuse, so the metaphor enriches and further discusses rather than sanitize the effects of the abuse; another example of this is Ronan’s dreaming, at least in TDT, doesn’t supplant him being gay and the associated identity, isolation, exploration, etc. experiences- the magical counterpart to the real experience is additive, not obfuscating or censoring. [I say at least in TDT because in TD3 I think the dreaming takes on additional metaphorical meaning such as chronic illness, generational trauma, amongst other things).

“He knew he looked drunk. He needed to get himself together. Only this afternoon he’d touched Blue’s face. It had felt like anything was possible, like the world soared out in front of him. He tried to channel that sensation, but it felt apocryphal.” Concern with outward appearance- his injury is internal, so there’s no way for the cops to believe him without his or Ronan’s explanation. The assumed concussion temporarily robs Adam of his resources- clear headedness, analytical skills, etc. “He tried to channel that sensation, but it felt apocryphal” is such a painful and effective way to describe someone grasping for hope and having it slip through their fingers. Adam, whose faith is “imperfect” to start with, is further challenged here. I always think of the word “apocryphal” when I think of this chapter. The infinite (the world soaring out in front of him) previously gave him a sense of optimism, but in this chapter, the infinite mirrors (ground and sky) trap and dwarf him. Blue’s face (which is to say connection with Blue) felt like potential. I think you could interpret this chapter as the beginning of the end for Blue and Adam’s romantic relationship- the attraction and care for one another persists, but there’s a distinct shift in their interactions after this chapter that disconnects them in a way they don’t resolve until after they break up.

Adam replaying what his mother has told him previously to keep the abuse quiet: “Don’t say anything, Adam. Tell him you fell down. It really was a little your fault, wasn’t it? We’ll deal with it as a family.”  Encouraging him to keep secrets, to lie, to blame himself, to believe in the guise of a family his parents hide behind (he’s ostracized in his own home for acting “against the good of the family”). This rhetoric from his mother gets woven into his own internal monologue.

“If Adam turned his father in, everything crashed down around him. If Adam turned him in, his mother would never forgive him. If Adam turned him in, he could never come home again.” These statements are written like hypotheses. If _, then _. Scientific. Even though she’s watched him endure so much pain and violence and has done nothing to help him, he grapples with the guilt of leaving behind his mother. This moment is a crucial turning point for Adam, when he’s standing at the crossroads of two of the existing paths described in TRB chapter 15 at his reading. It’s one of several explanations of his hesitation to live somewhere safer, of why the more arduous and painful way of doing things is in some ways easier for him.

“Adam couldn’t move in with Gansey. He had done so much to make sure that when he moved out, it would be on his own terms. Not Robert Parrish’s. Not Richard Gansey’s. On Adam Parrish’s terms, or not at all.” Full names invite the reader to consider [confront?] these characters as complete and distinguishable entities -> what defines each character/what is intrinsic to each?, how can you distinguish their own goals and personal ethos? If Adam succeeds in the world, he can claim all credit. If he fails, he resigns himself to shoulder the blame alone without the messy implications of shared culpability. He doesn’t see anything as worth doing if he can’t do it independently in the way he’s meticulously determined to be optimal, in the way that keeps his pride most intact.

“Adam touched his left ear. The skin was hot and painful, and without his hearing to tell him when his finger was close to his ear cavity, his touch felt imaginary. The whine in the ear had subsided and now there was … nothing. There was nothing at all.” The loss of his hearing is representative of greater loss- of literal (vestibular) and figurative balance (oh by the way do you know what requires good balance…riding a bike), of the ability to observe the world in the precise way in which he observed it before, the curse of an invisible injury he must explain by telling rather than showing as well as the unquantifiable psychological impact of surviving abuse, etc. Adam feels that he has nothing after losing not just half of his hearing but his home, even if said home is dangerous, the opposite of a sanctuary. He ends up at St. Agnes, which he thinks of as “Adam Parrish’s nothing,” something visually unimpressive but valuable in the way that it is his alone, untainted by the authority of others. I’m thinking about “Gansey. That’s all there is.” versus “There was nothing at all.” and how their experiences are so heavily shaped by their families and the associated expectations based on their upbringings and how they worry that others perceive them as their origins rather than their actions. “His touch felt imaginary” echoes the sentiment of Blue’s touch feeling apocryphal; the abuse disconnects Adam from others and from himself.

“Ronan was defending me.” Adam’s mouth was dry as the dirt around them. The officer’s expression focused on him as he went on. “From my father. All this … is from him. My face and my …” A couple observations: Adam breaking his “keeping things quiet” habit to the cops; Ronan has already begun to make him loud. It might just be a function of his injured state but I think Adam referring to Ronan as Ronan, as if anyone would automatically know his name, posits Ronan as some essential figure in Adam’s life (although to be completely fair there are few enough people in this scene to make it obvious to whom Adam’s referring- but I do think the word choice is deliberate, especially since he doesn’t use Lynch, which to an outsider might imply more distance between them). The dirt/dust motif returns as he thinks of his father/his origins; his dry mouth indicates the strain of making this sacrificial confession. And finally, the double entendre of “All this.. is from him. My face and my…” to mean the immediate state of Adam’s injuries but also his pervasive concern that he has inherited his father’s violence and cruelty. We know that Adam resembles his mother more (at least facially), but these books are about mirrors (and Adam looks into them frequently, literally and figuratively), and he’s most concerned about seeing his father looking back at him.

“His mother was staring at him. He closed his eyes. He couldn’t look at her and say it. Even with his eyes closed, he felt like he was falling, like the horizon pitched, like his head tilted. Adam had the sick feeling that his father had managed to knock something crucial askew. And then he said what he couldn’t say before. He asked, ‘Can I … can I press charges?’” To make this decision is to completely disrupt his carefully planned life; he’s falling into a version of his life he wasn’t prepared to live in yet. Adam’s fear about being permanently altered echoes Gansey’s fears about Adam. I think, on a less central note, his view of Ronan is also knocked askew after this incident (him using violence on behalf of someone other than himself). I’ve been musing on the decision to mention his mother one last time at the end of the chapter, and I think it’s to emphasize the complexity of Adam’s decision (and that he’s considering the repercussions of leaving his mother alone in the trailer with Robert. I think the fact that she doesn’t have a canon first name indicates that she also lacks power and autonomy in the household, or will especially lack such things once Adam leaves).

I think it’s significant that we never see inside the Parrish house- the violence we see on page happens outside. The audacity of Adam’s father to yell at him and assault him on their front steps for anyone to see is…really something. Even in his own POV chapters, which are quite introspective and descriptive, Adam doesn’t let us in to the extent of his life at home (from a meta standpoint, this makes sense- it’s just as effective and less exploitative to characterize the extent and impact of abuse through Adam’s self-image and relationships and behaviors rather than saturating the text with repetitive, gratuitous, and graphic sequences of abuse). And while I’m dancing around the subject of private vs public spheres, I am very interested in discussing Adam in terms of unheimlich/the uncanny and I’m hesitant to do so because so much of it will come from Freud’s essay on the uncanny and with that comes all sorts of cans of worms but there’s something about the domestic vs public spheres and in the home and out of the home (stemming from the etymology of heimlich and unheimlich) and homelessness and Adam’s uncanniness and strangeness (both as in odd and as in foreign/estranged). Freud’s essay even talks about the loss of eyes as a castration metaphor in a different work that I’m forgetting at the moment, but even if we exchange castration for loss of autonomy (which might be a misinterpretation of the text but I’m still percolating), it works so well with I will be your eyes/the demon taking over Adam’s eyes/his visions that begin in TDT chapter 8/the blindfold on Adam and the figure on the two of swords and eight of swords cards, etc. (A lot of associated themes work for Ronan too- the intentional use of the word strange at the beginning of The Dream Thieves and the Lynch brothers’ estrangement from the Barns and Ronan dreaming about going home and him existing of and between two worlds and how these two uncanny and strange characters find themselves in these weird, isolating social valleys and seek a sense of home with from other…) anyway this is hopefully an actual essay I will write someday, but it will require a good amount of reading outside the series.

I did a final read-through of the chapter after I revised my notes to see if I missed anything (and of course I did) and I did want to highlight the switch from “his father” to “Parrish” when Adam describes the brawl that ensues when Ronan hits his dad, which I think serves the purpose reminding us how Adam separates himself from violence as a dissociative coping mechanism, how Ronan’s intervention grants Adam some distance from the situation, etc. but also how Adam views the Parrish name- violent, on the ground, in the dust. I also forgot to consider the purpose of flashing back to Gansey right before Adam makes his sacrifice (to press charges, to keep Ronan out of jail): You won’t leave because of your pride? We’re given a clear example of the circumstances necessary for Adam to give up said pride (it would be reductive but not incorrect to say the circumstances = Ronan).

[empressofthesunwriter]

Cosmic Phantoms

What do you get if you put a sassy Half-Ghost, a bubbly Magical Ghostly Girl, a strongwilled Goth and a skirt-chasing Tech-Nerd together?

Well, the greatest Ghost Hunting Team on Earth!

Join Danny, Julia, Sam and Tucker on their crazy adventures.

Puberty is a joke against the forces they are up to!

Splitting What You Want

#NO COMMENTS NO CHAPTER

(*)

The sound of the keyboard under Julia's fingers kept her awake.

She really should be in bed, but the thought wouldn’t leave her mind: the amulet that had turned both Paulina and Sam into Ghost-Dragons.

She had researched everything she could find about it, but unfortunately, she hadn’t uncovered much new information—only a collection of legends surrounding its creation, each one crazier than the last.

This wasn’t helping her with her own Necklace, which turned her into a ghost.

Frustrated, she rubbed her face and thought,

No, there has to be a connection.

There has to be!

In a fit of frustration, she slammed her fist onto the keyboard, and out of nowhere, a new website opened up.

Julia didn't notice the white, ghostly hand that had opened the site—or that her Necklace hadn’t reacted at all.

“Huh?” she mumbled, reading the title. “The Goddess Nyx?”

Frowning, the red-haired girl clicked on the description of Nyx.

In Greek mythology, Nyx (pronounced "nicks") is the goddess and personification of night.

According to Hesiod's *Theogony*, she is a descendant of Chaos and the mother of Aether (light) and Hemera (day) with Erebus (darkness).

Nyx has also produced several offspring, each representing various negative forces.

Nyx is featured in several early cosmogonies, where she is depicted as one of the first deities to exist.

In the works of poets and playwrights, she is often described as a black-robed goddess who travels through the sky in a chariot pulled by horses. In Homer's *Iliad*, it is noted that "she is greater than all the gods together," and even Zeus fears to offend her.

"She sounds interesting, but what does this have to do with my research?" Julia wonders.

She clicks around the screen and learns a lot about this goddess, but none of it helps her with the mystery of the necklace.

"Still..." Julia says quietly to herself. "It says here that she was also the mother of the stars... and my necklace is a star... ugh, I’m too tired to think."

Feeling frustrated that she hasn't made any progress, she goes to bed, hoping that tomorrow will bring new insights.

(*)

In a part of the Ghost Zone that resembles Ancient Greece, the ghosts bow before the imposing figure of Nyx. She has white skin and long, curly black hair that seems to twinkle with stars. Her grey eyes shine brightly. Nyx wears a black toga adorned with tiny silver sparkles that mimic the night sky, along with large, star-shaped earrings.

Tattooed on her forehead is her symbol: two half moons flanking a full moon.

"I know you are here," she says, not pausing in her stride.

Two Observers step forward.

"You visited the ghost girl," says one.

"You tampered with her computer to get her on your track," adds the other.

"That's cheating!", they chorus together.

Regally, she turns to them.

"I know the rules; my brethren and I made them. But the girl is mine, so I can do with her as I please."

Her eyes turn a maniacal red.

"Or do you want to openly question one of the Ancients?"

The two Observers tremble in fear and shake their heads.

"Good. If you'll excuse me, I have to visit an old friend."

With that, she climbs into her chariot and flies away.

(*)

Julia woke up the next day feeling miserable.  

Yep, she definitely had a cold.  

When she got sick, she really felt it.  

She leaned over the toilet, emptying her stomach.  

"You are not going to school like this," her Papa said as he knelt beside her, rubbing her back.  

All she could manage were sick sounds.  

So, she lay in bed with a bucket beside her and messaged her friends in their group chat, letting them know she wouldn’t be coming to school.  

They reassured her, telling her not to worry and to get well soon.  

Sam said she could handle her presentation on stopping the desiccation of frogs alone, and Danny promised he could deal with any ghosts that might appear that day without her.  

Feeling reassured, Julia fell asleep again.

(*)

After school, Sam and the boys came to visit Julia to tell her what she had missed.

She barely grasped the details, but the story about Danny fighting a ghost from the '50s and somehow ending up in the Ghost Zone through a mirror caught her attention.

"The mirror was like a portal?", she asked for clarification while wiping her nose.

Danny confirmed it again.

"That's the second ghostly item with powers we've encountered, besides my necklace. I wonder who created them all."

"For now, you shouldn't worry about anything, Julie," Sam said, gently patting her shoulder. "Just get well soon, and we can research later."

"Yeah, doesn’t your brain feel like mush?" Tucker wondered.

Julia let out sounds that made her friends think she was on the verge of death.

"Wow, when you're sick, you really are sick," Danny pointed out.

"It’s always been like this... my immune system sucks," Julia replied.

Soon, her friends left, but not because they wanted to.

Julia insisted she didn't want them to catch her cold.

Unfortunately, it seemed Sam caught it anyway, leaving with a runny nose.

Great.

Now two members of Team Phantom-Cosmos are down.

(*)

Indeed both girls were now sick.

So why and how did Tucker manage to get them two out of the house?

It was Saturday night, which was football game night at Casper High.

Sam was under a blanket, while Julia looked like a bear with her fake pelt cloak with a hood.

"We're sick as a dog.", sniffed Sam.

"And we hate football.", coughed Julia.

"So why are we here?", they groaned together.

"Because Danny's here and he's got the best seat in the house!", reminded Tucker.

That's when the mascot of Casper High, the Raven, runs on the football field and cheerfully flaps his "wings."

Oh yeah...Danny was inside the costume if the girls remember right.

"And now, everybody, here they are, your very own Casper High Ravens!", cheered the Announcer.

Not a second later the football team runs onto the field, trampling the mascot and causing the costume's beak to fall off, revealing Danny was indeed inside.

If any of the girls weren't so sick, they would feel bad for him, but Sam and Julia have trouble even staying awake.

"This is pathetic.", Tucker's voice wakes them up from their half-slumber. "Our team's fading fast."

Oh yeah, Casper High did bad.

Whatever.

"Me, too.", sniffs Sam and climbs down the bleacher. "I'm outta here. Later."

"Wait, Sam, I wanna go home too.", croaks Julia, following as fast as she can after her friend.

Sam's father is so nice to pick them up and drive Julia home, where her dads and her grandma take care of her.

"Grandma.", coughs Julia, as the older lady shovels soup down your throat. "You are sick too, you should rest."

"Child I have cancer and my treatment is going good, I can take care of my granddaughter."

"Ma, maybe it's better I or Karl take care of Julia."

"Oliver, don't come between me and me caring for my grandchild!"

"Sorry, Ma."

(*)

The next day, Julia is feeling so unwell that she messages the group chat: "Don't disturb me if you want to live."

Her friends respect her wishes.

Throughout the day, Julia only gets up to use the bathroom or to eat some soup.

Her dreams are wild and nonsensical, yet the moon is always present in them.

It feels so strange.

(*)

The moon shines down on Julia as she races up the stairs of a tall tower. Part of her is unsure why she is doing this, but another part knows she must reach the top at any cost.

But why isn't she transformed?

Can’t she transform?

Where are her Ghost Powers?

She runs for what feels like an eternity until she finally reaches the top. There, a black-haired woman stands with her back turned, holding the hand of a little red-haired girl.

Julia reaches out a hand to them, but they split like a broken mirror.

Why?

"You are not ready my dear child, you aren't ready.", whispers a woman's voice in her ear.

Darkness fills her vision and Julia forgets.

(*)

When Sam and she are finally well again, now Tucker and Danny are sick.

The four are together at Tucker's house, Julia a good distance away from the two sick boys, while Sam brings them two soup bowls.

"Jeez, do you guys have to share everything?", asks Sam.

"You don't know the half of it.", answers Danny with a cough.

Danny and Tucker look and smile at each other.

Amused Julia shakes her head.

"This must be true bromance!"

(*)

#NO COMMENTS NO CHAPTER

There is a reason why Julia Necklace didn't react to Nyx, but we will find out later.

And yeah, I put two EPs together and made the shortest chapter in the history of this little FF, it's just I want to go to the good stuff and it was important to set some plot points for future arcs.

So I just wrote what was important and where we are in the timeline.

Feel free to go crazy with theories!

[winged-wolf-s-collection-of-arts]

pinned post! latest edit: April the 10th

Howdy!!! Call me whatever name you’ve heard. Any pronouns are fine!

I have an unreliable sleep schedule/forgetful/message notifications don’t show up- so if you need me uhh keep yelling until I notice? Aaahhh...

I put reblogs in a queue or schedule!! If I like an art post of your but don't reblog, don't worry, it'll be out in a week or so. Probably

--

Tag list, ordered by most common to least common in each category. Starting with my personal tags, then general navigation tags.

Art tag: wolfys art (my art), 2022 artchive (specifically my art from 2022)

Cool art by pals: grand showcase of arts

Doc says something: wolf chats

All art month challenges: Just Here To Have Fun

Kiley and co stuff (commonwealth setting): little wastrels

NOTE the au is getting rebooted so old stuff is not canon.

second fallout au (island setting, custom location for an rp): badlands crew

My main story stuff, not fallout: Split Fates au

posts that vaguely relate to my ocs: jeanposting, jerposting

-

Other aus- SCP Jailbreak!, museums monsters n marvels, voidspace crew, When Multiverses Collide, eternal spring

I kind of hit my story with a hammer and it shattered into a million pieces. oops

--

Misc fandom tags: fallout, whump stuff, bg3, doctor who, ace attorney, hermitcraft, qsmp, warrior cats, good omens

Misc common tags: described (posts with image or video ID), michaelnordeman (his animal photography), birds, food

important tags: reblogging for future reference (general tips), promo (friends news), boost (donation posts), flashing, eyestrain, psa

"You have to reblog!" And similar phrases: rebait

Subcategories of tips tags: drawing tips, writing tips, fave (personal favourites), cooking tips, health tips, tech tips. (more to be added soon)

Note- these are not tagged reliably: ghouls, zombies, blood, skeletons, suggestive, insects, spiders, guns, drug use, smoking, all caps, partial nudity, death

--

Characters that frequently appear are... ( updated 10 April, more descriptions to be added soon, please hold!)

Rabbit: A human-sized anthro rabbit! Light grey and white fur, green eyes. Usually in a grey suit with a green tie and gold scarf- or in white robes with gold jewelry. Sometimes drawn with long curved gold colored horns.

Wolfy: A cartoony anthro wolf, exactly five feet tall! Medium grey fur, has oval mirrors (with two shine marks) in place of eyes, and has grey and purple wings and a bird tail over his wolf tail. Always in a medium grey suit with a purple tie. Sometimes drawn with deerlike antlers.

Parsure: Looks like a blonde and light skinned human dude with dull blue eyes! He has shoulder-length hair with jagged bangs, and has a goatee and mustache. Always wears jeans, a white t shirt, red converse shoes, and a leather jacket. There's a large red bullseye on the back of the jacket. There's patches on the left sleeve: A red X symbol, and a night sky with a black stripe down the right side. On the right sleeve: A yellow axe symbol, and grey hexagon with a blue and orange background.

Jerome Drew (should be updated to Jerome Heulwen, I'll get to it soon), <- my main guy :D

Rev -(belongs to hollyrosecheeks),

Vince: A were-snow leopard! Um. Imagine a snow leopard, but with gold eyes.

Jodie: A were-pine-marten! Like a ferret but bigger, brown furred with white patches on the face and chest.

Kiley: (new oc, aaaah- I will redo my reference soon)

Jean: (probably) human dude with short brown hair! Wears a full mask that looks like a crow’s face. Usually wears a white shirt, grey vest and tie, grey slacks, and brown dress shoes. Sometimes wears a simple black jacket. Or a scarecrow's hat and black gloves.

--

Psst if you have a spare dollar can you pass it along to my pal Fern!

Cashapp: cash.app/$AustinToach

PayPal: paypal.me/AustinStidham

Venmo: venmo.com/u/Austin-Toach

uh if you show me you've donate something I'll draw you a doodle-

--

End of the post! Have a good day, wahoo

[meatriarch]

brief descriptions on maria's aliases in cc / nosy ♡

dolores.

maria's more subdued, soft, docile persona. one of her primary lures. dolores acts as a way to entice targets who are looking for someone they think is easy to control or influence. submissive and eager to go along with whatever they want really, dolores as a persona is maria's way of gauging and pulling very strong, very cocky, very frankly stupid victims into going someplace secluded with her -- and into the hunting grounds of her two scary guard dogs to have fun with. she's the persona, alongside aurelia, that brings victims into back alleys, back to a designated place on the sawyer-hewitt property, to decoy houses / buildings, or to specific fields or stops where its been established earlier in the night with johnny ( & lee ) that she will get them to, for them to meet there. dolores is that sweet, softer, doe-eyed side of maria really being coaxed out in order to quite literally throw someone to the wolves. dolores is symbolized by lambs / sheep, also to come across in a softer light to those who interact with her and fall victim, for other unassuming creature to take you by the hand, frolicking out into open field, unknowingly being circled by predators hidden in the grass around them. nickname : dolly.

aurelia.

more of a push into maria's more bubbly self, aurelia's more of that out-there, perky, sunshine-incarnate type persona that draws people attention. she's all smiles, all touchy, PDA at max. she's also that more kinda ditzy personality, too, if she feels her target likes it. she'll play heavily into the 'oh please keep talking i am SO interested in what youre saying!! omg no really you do all that?? wow you're so strong / so smart / etc' type of person, showering with compliments. definitely more of the persona for those kinds of people who LOVE talking about themselves and making themselves seem more important / tougher / etc than they really are. aurelia works as another lure because she's the type that'll convince targets to drink and drink and drink, or pull them off to dance with her, let them get handsy, let them think they have a shot. aurelia is symbolized by rabbits / bunnies, cute and sweet little prey animal, unassuming. one that lets you give chase, until you find yourself inches from wolves' widened jaws. nickname : lia.

rosa.

not as much of a lure than more utilized when maria's working alone, but rosa works to get targets alone and vulnerable. she's flirty, handsy, siren eyed rather than doe. truly come fuck me eyes. its the persona to let her explore things on a more sexual note, but its also the one where after things are said and done and theres a body on the floor, she wants to reaffirm her devotion to the scary dog(s) more - like a very, get this fuckers' scent off of me right now and put yours all over me instead kinda thing, if you will. but its also very much, i get to toy around with them a little more, be teasing, be mean. very hey heres your body let me snap a picture with you gh.ostface style ♡ its more of her violent side that comes out, because its really one of the personas where she gets to really disarm people - from being flirtatious to im stabbing you to im sinking my teeth in your neck and ripping at you rather than it being a simple love bite. still uses rosa, though regardless if working alone or with the scary dog(s). rosa's symbolized by both butterflies & moths, metamorphosis from maria into territory she was never all that outwardly comfortable in before. its exploration of a different side - both sexual and violent. its the specific kinds, of mourning cloak butterfly, of death's-head hawkmoths, of black witch moths, with meanings of change, of rebirths, and of death or misfortune. nickname : typical pet names one gives a one-night-stand.

magdalena.

in a sense, magdalena's come to be a persona by several factors, and its more of her long game, lone wolf type. its more of maria taking influence from not only johnny by also nancy, in routes where she ( & lee ) are accepted by her into the family. its getting a lil more personal with her targets, earning their trust over a longer timeframe. befriending them even. its more of her wolf coming out - where one one side, magdalena comes across as a typical neighbor, someone who bakes you things and brings it over unprompted ( sometimes we get silly and slow-poison them! c: ) esp during rough times - similar to how nancy works. its the slowburn of growing closer to them, earning trust, being let into their lives, just to one day down the line rip that security out from under them, turn their homes into a bloodbath really. magdalena's more of that, mercy doesnt exist in this body, morality doesnt exist, theres an anger and a hatred and a coldness to the world thats been dormant in these bones like the old gods who sleep for millennia hidden among us like mountain ranges. while physically maria isn't nearly on the same levels as johnny or leland, i'd argue magdalena's by far her more brutal and unhinged persona in that she'll not only make an absolute mess out of her target, but will also prolong things at times - make it last hours, if she can manage, if they stay alive long enough. magdalena is also moreso in swing post-acceptance by nancy, meaning the likelihood that she's been taught how to use the same types of ability, the possession, the hallucinations, is very high. magdalena's symbolized by wolf peering out from under sheepskin. nicknames : lena.

maria's safest aliases to utilize are dolores & aurelia -- they are almost solely used as lure & bait, and rarely are her big scary guard dogs straying too far to intervene whenever necessary. dolores / aurelia's primary purpose is to garner her target(s) trust and entice them to go someplace secluded with her to get ambushed by her boys. where she is, rarely are at least one of them not nearby. rosa, however, runs the risks of being alone and vulnerable in some potentially compromising situations. rosa is commonly used when maria's working mostly on her own as each of them are also likely enticing someone to a motel room etc -- its usually rosa who puts an end to if not severely incapacitates the target before the scary guard dogs get in there. magdalena i'd consider right after because this is maria's long-game, slowburn alias. just instead, really, of working like a "lure" -- its more of a carefully laid out trap she sets out. she works to get closer to every target, until they let their guards down enough. its maria's lone wolf work. not often cropping up to be fair. magdalena's also used when something gets a little too personal. and if all the aliases begin at maria, then they all end at magdalena. magdalena's utilized as self-preservation if need be. if somethings going wrong with a target? switch is flipped and things get messy. paloma, then, is also a bit of a slowburn alias -- though arguably, her riskiest because unlike dolores & aurelia & rosa & reina where she does still likely have the boys nearby, paloma gets utilized as a bit of a challenge. those she targets are, usually, absolutely pieces of shit. she knows shes often biting off more than she can chew -- especially working alone. she's more likely to end those encounters with wounds than arguably any other alias at work. paloma is symbolized by doves.

something to note re: maria's aliases that i hadnt thought of when making that the previous points with the additional personas being added but, said before how as the aliases start with maria, then they end at magdalena -- and what i mean by that is, ofc maria is always the starting point to where she takes any of the aliases during hunts. and every single one of them, in turn, can switch and end in magdalena. magdalena comes out primarily later on, namely post-nancy acceptance into the family or when johnny kills her in order to keep maria ( & lee in nosy ) safe. but its the careful alias. the calculated one. the shut down, shut off everything -- brutal one. magdalena is also where, especially, anything that nancy eventually teaches her re: her abilities comes into play. and with paloma -- one of the two new aliases -- paloma i feel comes into play when nancy ran her little tests on her ( & lee ). we were chatting abt it some time ago, and i know nancy pulls maria & lee into few challenging encounters in order to see if they're worth keeping around -- and part of paloma's thing is, biting off more than you can chew. theres something in maria, i feel, that shortcircuits during those challenges that hasnt happened yet in cc / nosy timelines, and it draws out something different in her. she returns after nancys finished in fairly rough shape i feel. moreso than she has with any other target, any other hunt -- because normally, she isn't alone like that. not completely. theres a type of raging self-preservation thats drawn out from cornered prey animal.

[smellenoftroy]

Disco Elysium Skills and Tarot Card Faces connections

I had not really counted the amount of skills you had to juggle in my playthroughs of DE. The first time the sheer amount was so overwhelming I never got around to trying to count. 

But once I figured out that there were 22 of the motherfuckers, my mind instantly made the connection. 

Encyclopedia[Easy:Success] - There really isn’t any other assortment of 22 distinct human aspects that they could have based this off of instead.

It was a kind of immediate connection and I’m not sure if it’s correct because if we were to lay the two out I’m not sure the skills really match up with the Arcana.

Perception[Medium: Success] - Nope. That don’t match at all.

 Pain Threshold[Godly: Failure] - The JPEGS are like fiberglass in my eyes!

It’s kind of a disappointing realization. I was hoping that this connection could open a whole new world of analysis for characters and the world. Oh well...

Rhetoric[Medium: Success] - Hold on! Let him cook.

This game is loaded to the brim with allusions and references to narrative tropes and cultural cliches from our world, reassembled by the character in the DE world. Most notably, the fictional detective, Dick Mullen, and how that story influences Harry’s idea of what a cop should be able to do.  

We are being told about how stories can shape people’s perspective on themselves and also be used to justify people’s actions.  

The Tarot are themselves telling a story, with each face representing a character met and their influence on the fool’s perspectives and actions. 

Conceptualization[Formidable: Success] - The Journey of life is a long and winding one, beset by all manner of challenges and teachers. The Fool's Journey is meant to teach us to be open to their guidance. We may mirror his path to enlightenment.

Logic[Medium: Success] - It sounds like a stretch, but I’ll go along with it.

Suggestion[Formidable: Success] - Maybe another example would prove the point?

Encyclopedia[Medium: Success] - That brings us to the actual descriptions.

Rhetoric[Medium: Success] - We will prove our contention by way of analytic  comparison!

There is also similarity in the way the game describes the Skills and the way one would be told about the attributes of the Arcana. There is a duality to each face that is replicated in the Skills descriptions. 

Suggestion[Formidable: Success] - Yes Disco Elysium Tarot readings! People are going to love this.

Logic[Legendary: Failure] - Nope. That don’t match at all.

Conceptualization[Medium: Success] - This could have been nice with more effort. Not shitty enough to be ironic, not neat enough to be professional. Just bland.

Pain Threshold[Legendary: Failure] - The migraine is coming from within the screen!

Please note that at High Levels Logic has two effects:

You will be able to smart enough to figure things out, but you will arrogant and thus easily blinded. 

When compared to the Fool’s stats and descriptions

Oops.

Encyclopedia[Legendary: Failure] - Look man, I don’t know anywhere near enough about Arcana to actually back up anything I’m saying. 

-1 MORAL

Suggestion[Legendary: Failure] - All these soothsayer- types ever do is talk endlessly about their made up card people and their made up symbolism. Just keep spouting bullshit and they’ll buy it!

Suggestion - No one actually gives a crap about what any of this actually means. They just want to feel Spiritual. 

Authority[Godly: Failure] - Command their spirits! Yield your knowledge over the herd like a slave driver wields the whip. You will be like a god.

Volition[Medium: Success] - That’s it! I’m officially putting an end to this. 

[kaeyachi]

do you know about lord Krishna (a deity) of the Hindu mythology? I'm not much of a religious person but i know ab him a lot bcz of coming from a religious household and somethings ab him and kaeya just clicks so much

I actually thought ab it bcz kaeya's constellation is a peacock and Krishna is often symbolized with peacock feathers, so i looked into it . I think there might be some links connecting the both but I can't say for sure everything is connected but somethings might be telling us what might happen in the future lore.

And if i really post it rather than keep it in my mind can I tag you?

Thank you for asking, anon! I do know a bit about Krishna (my mom had a Bollywood phase and Krishna was frequently mentioned) but I have a feeling you know better than me. I wish I knew more than just the basics, but there are a lot of similarities between them other than just the peacock symbolism!

I also realized while seeing some Desi!Kaeya fanart that he gives the same energy as to when I see images of Krishna (the fanarts are so good. Probably one of my favorite types of Kaeya art)

I will be using some texts from wiki to better explain my MAIN points because my mind is a mess and I need to learn to control my blabbering!! If i didn't do this, who knows how long this post will get...

Feel free to use this as a basis as well! I'd be happy to get tagged when you post about his possible future for in-game lore. For people knowledgable in Hindu, please feel free to expand on this as well!

"He is the god of protection, compassion, tenderness, and love"

-Kaeya has been portrayed as a protective force of Mondstat along with the rest of the knights.

-Noteworthy moments are him being said to protect a nun's family and his roundabout way in protecting Diluc's identity as the darknight hero

-"Specializes in awakening knightly virtues in others." - Text in TCG card

-he is the guy who planned a birthday party for a friend in secret and passed the praise to someone else.

-several instances of Klee mentioning him being like a big brother to her (him making her a survival handbook and teaching her tcg)

- he has a cryo vision. Love has always been a main topic when it concerns them, especially since their archon representative is the Goddess of Love

"They portray him in various perspectives: as a god-child, a prankster, a model lover, a divine hero, and the universal supreme being."

-his father has dubbed him as their last hope, already putting him on a (very bad for a child) pedestal. He is clearly seen as a possible hero for them and the entirety of Khaenri'ah

-seemingly the only curseless Khaenri'ahn thus far (hope we learn more in 3.5), and perhaps even "blessed" to have a vision

-known to prank and tease people enough that most descriptions of him are exactly about that

-was said to be the elderly's top choice for grandson-in-law

-crack idea but the game has this habit of inserting anecdotes or comments about Kaeya as much as possible to make sure to remind you of him. Suspicious, but so far its mostly funny things. He also seems to be a universal representative in-game oddly enough (frequently the face of tutorials or is part of the character trials).

Kaeya having Desi themes is definitely the biggest indicator to this. Were he not designed and named in such a way, many of us would have probably brushed this off (probably wouldnt have even connected the dots)

I hope this inspires further discussion. This topic is genuinely interesting in my opinion :)

[oh-snapperss]

Just reread watercolor blues for the like tenth time, I love it so much, it's so well written!I still cry a little bit at the part where Etho is back at the snow fort after Bdubs' death and the garden is completely dead- in your typical story, there'd be maybe one flower bud left, but nothing lived, and I think that's a neat thing for symbolization, how Bdubs died and his garden doesn't have any life left at all.

I also love how the flowers Etho brings Bdubs have their symbolism, but are also Minecraft flowers! It seems like a minor detail that wouldn't be too important, but I think it's really cool when authors do that. And the poppy... the single poppy. Oh my goodness that flower- the symbolism- Along with what happens next...

Incredible.

I admire the way you can realistically write characters' internal thoughts and conflicts! It's something I find difficult to do, and you pull it off so well. Everything the characters feel or think, it's almost tangible the way I feel the same things!

And that part near the end where Etho finally returns and Bdubs isn't quite sure that it's real- I can't find the exact words I want to use but I really love how you write scenes like that!

I just adore you and your writing so much!

WTF ANON EEUEUEUEUEUEU please know that i am making you tea. so much fucking tea. and i'm sitting here like ;-; /pos

OKAY AND YEA:DDD so the garden... it was really important to me to show the garden as almost a metaphor for their home during last life? so once that wither hit and bdubs was gone... so was the home they had created, as flimsy and temporary those snow walls really were. that fic is much more about the symbolism and themes than anything else<3

the flowers,,,, i actually originally was gonna use flowers outside of the game, but then i actually found out something super fucked up and had to share it with everyone in the only way i know how.

so this right here is actually a screenshot from etho's episode eight of last life! he opens the chest just for a split-second, but you can see... those flowers were actually canon. the second i saw it i knew i had to make it happen in the fic, so... yeah. that chest is from bdubs' side of the house as well btw, so there's a good chance he placed them in that chest for god knows what reason.

this chest is also from their base, but to the side a little bit and not the same room! and why i wound up incorporating the poppy the way i did:) i originally had not intended for the fic to have canon basis but once i saw these chests it kinda changed my mind so... here we are!

AND OUGH??? THANK YOU???? writing internal thoughts and conflicts is genuinely a favorite part of my writing because i like to explore the why of what a character is doing in a moment. i'm learning to work with descriptive stuff more and more and it's just AGH i'm literally so<3333 thank you for saying that wtf... as far as the emotions go... i actually have a trick i do to help that where i put myself into the character's head if that makes sense? when i write how a character is feeling, i put myself into the situation and their head and i'm able to then feel what the character would feel. and then i channel it into words and so far it's turned out into some of my favorite pieces of writing:D (watercolour blues, the stories we tell and the truths untold, and can you see me are probably the strongest example of places i did this)

sorry for the massive ramble but anon you've made me so :DDDDDD i hope you have the best day/night and both sides of the pillow are cold okay that's all i got byeeee

[psychics4unet]

Where's Your Next Adventure? 🌍✨ Discover What’s Coming with This Tarot Reading!

Instructions: Look at the 3 images of the piles below. Choose the pile that you feel most drawn to. Trust your intuition and select the one that resonates with you the most. Once you have made your choice, scroll down to read the description for the pile you selected.

I put a lot of effort into this reading, so please show some love by leaving comments, likes, reblogs, and follow me! ❤️💬✨

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Pile 1: 1) Card 1 - The Fool 🌅: This card symbolizes a leap into the unknown and encourages spontaneity. It hints that your next adventure will require you to trust yourself and take a bold step forward without overthinking.

2) Card 2 - Six of Swords 🛶: This suggests a journey, either literal or metaphorical, and leaving behind old baggage. You’re ready to explore something new and liberating, even if it means moving past some unresolved matters.

3) Card 3 - Page of Wands 🔥: Full of energy and enthusiasm, this card represents discovery, creativity, and new experiences. It tells you that your upcoming adventure will spark excitement and inspire growth in unexpected ways.

Summary: This pile points to a fresh start and a journey that will push you to leave your comfort zone. A daring spirit and openness to the unknown will be key in shaping this exciting new chapter! 🌈🌄✨

Pile 2: 1) Card 1 - The Chariot 🏇: Determination and willpower drive this card, indicating that your next adventure will involve purposeful movement toward a goal. Success comes from focusing and channeling your energy in the right direction.

2) Card 2 - The World 🌐: Completion and achievement are in sight. This card signifies reaching an important milestone, hinting that your adventure might be about fulfilling a long-standing dream or bringing something full circle.

3) Card 3 - Queen of Pentacles 🌱: This card brings a sense of nurturing and stability. It suggests that your next adventure will also allow you to grow in a practical, grounded way, perhaps in areas of health, wealth, or personal development.

Summary: This pile suggests a powerful journey that brings fulfillment and stability. Your adventure will involve a dedicated focus on achieving something meaningful and will create a sense of wholeness in your life. 🌌🛤️💪

Pile 3: 1) Card 1 - The Hermit 🔦: Reflective and wise, this card suggests that your next adventure may lead you inward. It’s a journey of self-discovery, contemplation, and finding answers that have long been hidden within you.

2) Card 2 - Two of Cups 💖: This card of connection and partnership hints that your adventure might involve a deepening relationship or a bond that brings you fulfillment. It could mean finding a companion who helps you along this personal journey.

3) Card 3 - Ace of Pentacles 🌿: Symbolizing new beginnings in a grounded, practical way, this card points to fresh opportunities. Your adventure may involve growth in material or spiritual aspects, bringing a stable foundation for the future.

Summary: This pile indicates an introspective journey, where you’ll seek understanding and possibly discover new companionship. It will be a meaningful path that brings opportunities for both personal and relational growth. 🌠👫💖

Love this post? Spread the positive vibes by reblogging with your favorite pile number! Remember to like, comment, and follow me for more tarot insights and spiritual guidance. By sharing this post, you'll invite positive energy from the universe into your life. Let's journey together towards enlightenment and fulfillment!

Attention! This reading is for entertainment purposes only. This tarot reading does not give a 100% guarantee that all the described situations will occur or being ultimate truth. You build your own life and destiny and only you know yourself best. Remember to reblog, like, comment, and follow for more cosmic guidance and positivity!

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[marshmallowprotection]

Heliotrope

Pairing: Choi Saeran/Self Insert

Description: Heliotrope represents an endless love. In some religions across the globe, this flower stands as a symbol of salvation and devotion. What better way could describe the way Ray feels for her than that? Gears are turning, the tide is shifting, and his victory continues to remain secured in the eyes of Magenta. He deserves a moment of pleasure to remind him why he's been working so hard to dismantle everything those liars tried to put into place... and that moment comes from his treasured princess. 

Word Count: 8,073

[Read On AO3]

[Art Refs from: @/haaa_som, @/SanHan_p, and @/CHOICHANG8.]

With an exorbitant amount of glee burning in his chest, Ray could say that he was pleased with the way things were now. He didn’t have to look over his shoulder afraid that someone was going to destroy him, nor did he have to fear that his gift from God was going to be taken away from him.

Things were finally moving to where they needed to be and nothing could remove this bliss from his heart. He finally knew what it felt like to have everything and anything he could ever want, and he knew it was thanks to his angel he had all of it. She delivered his victory on a silver platter and he knew that he wanted to make sure she was rewarded for it for the rest of their days.

His Savior had assured him that nobody would bother them. It was his reward for finalizing the next step of the plan, what he knew to be the last piece of the puzzle she wanted. Once that was taken care of and there was nobody else standing in the way of Mint Eye’s salvation, Ray would be free. Free from the daily grind of his fingers into paste against a keyboard.

He would be allowed to partake of the pleasure that everyone was afforded as members who lived in Magenta’s walls. Sure, he had gained small rewards along the way, but the notion that he would be able to wake up in the morning without anything to do was the strangest thing. He was already dreaming of all the ways to make every day perfect.

Perfect for Lilac.

Of course, he was perfect in her eyes. That’s what her delicate craft had ordained long ago. It was hard to believe he could be perfect in anyone’s eyes, but whenever she looked at him with a glossy gaze, he knew. He knew that she was genuine in that belief. She wasn’t capable of lying to him. She had no point in lying to him. Just as he had no point in lying to her about what was inside of his heart. She adored his infatuated eyes that only grew by the minutes and he loved the feeling of her fingers clutching at his sleeve as if she were afraid that he might disappear if she let go.

They were made for each other, through and through. That was what God decided. Why else would he drop her in his lap with all the answers he needed? There was always a reason for something happening and he knew the answer to this one. He didn’t need his Savior to confirm it, though, hearing her praise did help in the beginning when he felt so winded by the fact that there was someone who felt a burning desire in their heart the same way that he felt it. It was an overwhelming sensation that hadn’t gone away from the moment he saw her eyes sparkle. This was what he wanted, and by extension, he knew it was what she had wanted.

Tonight was just one of many nights that would become their future.

“You kept me waiting, Ray,” a fan hit his chest as he stood in front of his love. “You said Savior only wanted a minute of your time… it’s been ten. Don’t tell me you did that on purpose.”

“Does it make you jealous?” A smile crossed his lips. He was almost amused that Lilac was that flippant with him lately. It was a change from the months when the elixir had left her in quite a stupor. If she dared to admit that… oh, his shuttering heart burned.

“My time is yours… and your time is mine,” she whispered.

Ray caught her wrist in his hand and nodded. That seemed to quell any silent monsters in the back of her mind. She was very happy to feel that. Something he’d noticed about her from the start was that she craved the feeling of his hand against hers as if it were a lifeline. He understood the feeling. He wanted to be held, too. He wanted to feel the warmth of someone when the world felt cold and barren. It was a simple thing but such a small gesture could get rid of any doubt for a long time. “My heart is yours and your heart is mine.”

It didn’t surprise him when she interlaced his fingers with hers. No, it was no surprise. He warned her that he would be busy with the Savior for a short amount of time in the midst of the party. Of course, it ran longer than he expected. That wasn't a surprise given how much extra work had to be taken care of lately.

It helped that they had more ways to ascertain funding and members to further cement Paradise as the place that it was. But, with extra numbers and funding, came the reality that there needed to be more work done in the background. He was the only person the Savior trusted to take care of those pieces.

Sure, he had vetted and entrusted certain believers with technical skills to be able to run things in the background when he wasn't around, but that didn't mean that he could fully leave it alone. It didn't matter how many people were there to pick up the slack. He was the one in charge of and it meant that anything that went right or wrong was under his authority. That was a hard pill to swallow but a necessary one. His Savior trusted him and he didn’t want to lose that trust.

The RFA had been dismantled. They no longer existed the way they did before. Once the pawns were played, nothing could take them back. The liar and traitor had been given their dues and would pay for them rightly. His brother was locked nice and tight in the basement where nobody could reach him.

The Savior was making use of him in some ways, but for the most part, his misery was left in Ray’s hands. It’d felt exhilarating to dole out the whip and hand of salvation firsthand, the buzzing in the back of his head during those moments felt like a blessing from God.

At some point amid the first round of punishment, his mind had gone blank from the anger and contempt he felt, but when he awoke, his bruised hands felt relief. Wild laughter burned and felt like it was his voice but not his at the same time. Again and again, again and again, again and again, and again and again.

 It was hard to describe the way it made him feel but all he knew was that it was euphoric. It was as if his fear of being destroyed by the world was erased in a moment. There was no reason to be afraid if he was the strongest person in the room. There was no reason to feel pathetic or worthless or airheaded. Ray was what he needed to be.

He was what his oracle’s words foretold. He was every bit of what she had penned on paper, and now he could substantiate it. That was why he was so happy when he got to look into her eyes, now. There was a time in the past when he felt as though he would never be good enough. For years, he felt like nothing he did could ever be enough.

From the moment that he was born, the only thing he had been told was that he would never be good enough. He could never be good enough because he was born a parasite. His mother saw him as a leech. She never hesitated to tell him that until it was engraved into the back of his head. For a long time, he believed that.

He was useful until he wasn't or he was a nuisance until he wasn't. For once, someone had looked at him and seen something worthwhile and he never wanted to let go of that feeling. It wasn't like when his Savior saw potential in him. It wasn’t like the day when she whispered that he would be her son who fought through the pain to become what she knew him to be. It was the chance for someone to see him and love him at first glance. It wasn't about what he could do for her or what he couldn't do, she saw something that nobody else did. She saw value and worth in who he was right then. There was no hesitation or whisper otherwise. It was her honest words written on the paper.

He didn't care how it made him look when he would hum underneath his breath, turning around a corner with a dazed smile on his face knowing someone was waiting for him at the end of a hard day. It was a daydream for him and nothing could take that away. She was going to have what she always wanted and he was going to be right there to watch it firsthand. Ray was a prince who dreamed of waiting at her beck and call.

Nobody was going to stand in his way. He worked himself to the grindstone to be able to have this experience in the first place. All Ray wanted was a simple look of her brown eyes reflected in his. It was so close that he could almost taste it and his heart couldn't stop pounding at the realization it was within his reach.

It was no longer him reaching out toward a flickering green light in the distance. His paradise was right within his hands and all he needed to do was close his palm to possess it. It would be forever his. It would be his. Nobody would take it away from him. The redhead wouldn't take it away from him. His so-called brother wouldn’t get to taste the luxury of love. He would be left barren and isolated from the world the same way he left him.

The redhead would never be a threat again. He would be locked away nice and tight and put to use whenever it was helpful to paradise. He wasn't going to die. In the same way that the traitor wasn’t going to die. Death would have been a blessing for them. They deserved to live with the weight of their sins and consequences. But, for now, they were out of sight and out of mind. It was better that way. They didn't deserve to enjoy the pleasures of paradise. Only the downtrodden people of society who had been kicked a hundred times deserved to know what it felt like to be free. They needed to live with demons and the darkness that came with them.

The same way they tortured Ray and his Savior. If they were ever to atone for their sins, not that Ray imagined they could, they would need to go through everything that they had forced upon the people around them. It was only fair. Turnabout play was fair. They were once the Kings who had everything and now they had nothing. There was nothing to show for the choices they made. All they had left was the darkness, and really, it was what they earned for making a deal with the devil.

As of right now, they were out of his mind. His revenge was already guaranteed so it wasn't like he needed to spend his days making sure that they were being tortured. The best way to make sure that they were tortured would be to leave them alone for a while until they were begging for torture. Until they were begging for attention like scraps. No, they deserved to live the way he had: Left alone abandoned in the darkness with nobody around to save them from their worst nightmares.

He knew the best way to make sure that continued would be to focus on his work. It was going in the right direction, he just needed to make sure that it stayed on target. It was all going according to plan, but that wasn’t all he wanted. It was fine to stick to the status quo and let the world level out, but it was better to make sure nothing would ever get in the way of their future goals and intentions. His Savior had what she wanted and that was great. They had the benefit of ensuring that their newest members were committed to making things perfect. Jumin Han, Jaehee Kang, Yoosung Kim, and Hyun Ryu were more than happy to cooperate. Their goals were being kept thanks to how willing they were to work.

Ray wanted to make sure it was not only kept but furthered. He’d proved himself time and time again, but he refused to fall behind in any way. He was better than that. He’d proved it before but success was guaranteed on his ability to keep it on the right track. He might have been given everything he needed to take care of the present, but his future was only guaranteed in some ways. All the information had been handed to him on a silver platter, but it was up to him to make sure they continued down that path.

It would be a waste of time if he couldn't ensure Mystic Messenger was used for the correct purpose. All that information couldn't have gone to waste. There was still so much left that could take care of anyone that got in their way in the future. His Savior told him that that could be taken care of in due time, but for now, it was time for him to enjoy his victory.

It wasn't like he didn't want to take a break, but it was important to him that his future wasn't ripped away from him again. He didn't want to taste what it felt like to be free and then have it ripped away from him once more. That would be like a sad dream. There was no time in his life for sad dreams. As much as he wanted to enjoy himself, there was a part of him that wanted to keep working to make sure that nothing got in their way.

It helped that it wasn't a one-man show anymore, though. Any of the pieces that he couldn't put together were being taken care of by those people. Each of them was committed to erasing any doubt in people’s minds of Magenta’s origins. The now former members of the RFA had settled nicely into their roles as members of Mint Eye. Ray couldn’t have cared less about them, though. They were meant to be playthings for his Savior, after all. She was guiding them to cover any tracks that were noticed by the wrong people. Mint Eye was meant for the weak and helpless, not the strong and monstrous. As long as they could keep up their end of the bargain, Ray wasn't worried about it.

Jumin Han and Jaehee Kang could control any bad publicity. They could get rid of people who said something ill-intentioned or misinformed. It wasn't that surprising to Ray given how much money could transform people. It went to prove what he thought about the world. Those people who are on top that could control anything knew how to bend the will of anyone that got close. It was only good that his Savior took pity on Jumin’s lonely heart and Jaehee’s desire to feel whole that those two were of use to them now.

Yoosung Kim was… a mess. It was his humble nature and attitude that could easily sway anybody that spoke to him. It was easy to believe that he was worthless to them given how little reach he held, but that wasn't the case. He was unsuspecting and that was a damn good thing. It meant people wouldn't think much of him if he said a little something here or there about a place where everyone belonged. It was fruitful on a college campus. Ray had discounted him at first, but his Savior knew all the ways to motivate him in the right direction.

Hyun Ryu was the star power, to say the least. He had a way with words. Not that Ray understood what it meant to have the star power or to have influence over people just for a simple skill. He didn't care much for celebrities. But, it made everything neat and tidy with a bow on top.

When there was an endorsement given by somebody that people thought of as trustworthy and humble, nobody would ever think twice. Honestly, it was obvious that people were falling for a Honey Trap just because he had good looks. Whatever made people better understand paradise, that's what the Savior had said.

It was hard to let go of control, though. It wasn't as if those people were untrustworthy. They had been manipulated and tricked just the same as the rest of them. But, he had a hard time trusting that they would make things work out the way they needed to.

It wasn't as if they were used to the life he’d become accustomed to. They had their hardships, but did they know what it was like to be on crunchtime to defeat a liar? A traitor? A monster? His Savior reassured him that he should have faith. After all, he knew that Lilac was fond of the RFA. She cared for them in a way… not the way she cared for him… no… in a way she’d care for a passing fancy or a shiny toy.

If his delicate flower saw them as useful in her journal, he knew that they could be of use in some way. He just needed to let it play out. That was tough for him. He didn't want to believe that people could do things the right way for him, but it was out of his hand at this point.

Ray wanted everything to go the right way. It was hard to know that there were things he couldn't take care of by himself. Now that you tasted what it felt like to be powerful enough to take control of the situation, it became increasingly harder to trust the people around him with the information he possessed. It was on a need-to-know basis, anyway. Of course, nobody was allowed the luxury of things he knew. Only he and his Savior were allowed to know the extent of what was inside that application on Lilac’s phone. His future ideas were brimming with what they were going to discover very soon.

Hopefully, all of that information would be enough to cement the future. His Savior warned him that it was going to take time to unravel the final act because he wasn’t yet ready to know everything, but he would be.

She said to him, “My precious son, I know you want to know it all. But, trust in me and your wife. If it were the right time to act, she would come to me first and we would discuss our next move together. The fact alone that she has not assumed something for the worst means that we are on the right path. It is thanks to your delicate care and her understanding of our end goal that we are where we are today. Why don't you enjoy the party tonight, first? We’ll discuss more in the coming weeks.”

He pushed it out of sight and out of mind. It was something that needed to be taken care of. But, he didn't want to neglect the most important person in his life while he was thinking about how to protect her future. Ray knew that if he let himself fixate on the future, he would forget to live in the moment. He needed to enjoy himself. He was allowed to have it. As much as his mind was filled with his conversation with his Savior about what was to come soon, he knew he didn’t want to let a moment like this slip by.

It would be a waste of a perfect evening to allow himself to Sully his hands when his princess didn't need to see that. She didn't deserve to see any more trials and tribulations. Her life had been filled with enough hardship, and now he wanted to make sure that she was as far away as she could be from it.

Ray shook the thoughts from his mind. It was important to stay focused but it was also crucial that he made sure he wasn't neglecting his love. Lilac’s eyes were trained on him like a moth to the flame. She had been waiting for him for a while. He was happy she wasn't upset with him. The twinkle of something playful in her eyes told him she was happy he’d returned.

It didn't take that much to make her happy. Some might say it was sad that it only took a couple of words to make her smile appear on her face, but he didn't see it that way. He knew what it felt like to be starved for affection and sometimes all you needed was the smallest feeling of a hand against your cheek. It was better to appreciate the little things. It meant that every gesture felt like it was giving a thousand miles instead of an inch.

While he was spending his time with the Savior going over the last details that needed to be taken care of, the rest of Magenta was captivated by a party to celebrate their progress over the past year. It was the start of an eternal party that would never end. That was why she was dressed to the nines. There was a healthy amount of princess outfits in her wardrobe that he had purposefully chosen for her for these situations, and she had chosen to be the darkest rose. Ray thought she looked divine in anything she wore, but tonight, in particular, her exposed shoulders made his knees quiver.

She tapped the tip of her fan right against his chest with her free hand, “You're thinking too hard again, aren't you? Don't you remember what I said? You don't need to worry about anything anymore. All the obstacles in your way are gone for good. It doesn’t matter what’s next… you won, my prince. Tonight is about victory, isn’t it? So why waste your time getting worked up with the Savior? Why not spend all your time with me? I don’t want to have a party if you’re not there… What's a party with n—no prince? What’s a ballroom w—without my happily ever after?"

The tremor at the end of her voice reminded him how easy it was to frighten her. She was better in terms of expressing herself these days, but nothing could hide the side effects of the elixir. Lilac had never been much of an outgoing person, but the elixir had made her wearier to trust others. That wasn't much of an issue to him. It merely meant that she had to lean on him when she needed someone to take care of her needs. It worked to his benefit, of course. All he ever wanted to do was to take care of somebody.

As long as he could feel as though he was providing happiness to another, he knew that his existence was worth it.

It didn't make him happy to leave her waiting. He had told her before that she didn't need to get worked up to the point of tears to get him to come to her side. All she had to do was send him a text to get his attention. Though, she never wanted to get in the way of his work. So, it would make sense why she wouldn't message him even if she was increasingly lonely. How could he forget? How could she enjoy a party if he wasn't there? Sure, she could congregate with the Believers and pretend she was having a good time, but that sort of amusement wouldn't last for very long. She could only convince herself for so long to have fun without him.

They were made for each other, after all. She had found him when he needed her most. It was their salvation. It was the light that guided them to dream again. It was the reason he felt complete. It was a union that God and His Savior had ordained in the worship hall. She was patient and considerate of his needs at every turn, but he needed to ensure that she knew that his heart wanted the same for her at every beat.

He missed her when he closed his eyelids to saturate his dry eyes.

She missed him when there was a pause between his short breaths.

His work couldn’t get in the way of his devotion. He brought her hand to his lips and kissed the silver metal that sparkled in the hallway light. The sound of strings and keys floated down the hall from the ballroom, but Ray paid them no mind as she melted from his gesture. Her ticklish giggles chipped at his worn heart and brought him back to life. This was what it was for. This was what he was working so hard for. He wouldn’t lose sight of that again. His work would be completed in due time. It wasn’t every day he had a chance to steal the wind beneath her wings. Not like this, anyway.

“Forgive me, princess,” he wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her close. She seemed pleased by his choice, laying her head against his chest to hear the sound of his heart beating between his ribs. “I didn’t mean to keep you waiting. What should I do to make up for this transgression? Should I lay at your feet and recount the ways I love you until my body aches for your mercy? Should I count the petals on each of your favorite blossoms for the minutes I missed you until I’ve counted them all? What can I do for you, my love? Tell me what you need and I will make it so.”

“I only want to be with you,” she whispered.

Ray kissed the top of her head. They swayed as the sound of music became louder and the sounds of chatter were far from the mind. She could wish for anything in the world but she would wish for the same thing every time he asked the question. “You don’t need a star to wish for that, darling. I’m already yours. I want to be with you as much as you are with me. Unless you mean to say… Do you want to be alone with me? Is that it, my dearest? Does my heart want to be away from the prying eyes of the party?”

There was a meek nod in response.

He chuckled.

Frankly, he could care less about the party. His Savior was the one who enjoyed the chorus of souls coming together in a room like that. She enjoyed the pomp and circumstance. Ray wasn't against it because there were situations when it was enticing to be the center of attention. It wasn’t all bad.

The moments when he could hold Lilac against his chest just like this and twirl her into a frenzy of emotions would lead them to the garden where their hands would stray and wander to touch wherever they could. He didn't need the rest of the world. All he needed was his princess to make his life complete. This was what he needed. If she wanted the same thing, he knew that they were going to always be on the same side.

He gave her a twirl, his hands moving to rest against her waist as he lifted her above the ground to feel weightless, and she sighed almost dreamily in response. “Am I allowed to steal the princess away from her party? Eternal salvation wouldn’t be possible without you. It almost feels wrong to claim you as my own… doesn’t it? You belong to this world as a ray of hope… as the reason we’re free from the lies of the devil and his companion. But, my flower, you belong to me before you belong to any of them.” His hushed tone was haughty.

“That’s what you wanted, though. You wanted to belong to me so much that your heart guided you to me… and now, you’ve been saved… just as I have been saved. We’re the final pieces of the puzzle that will stop the world from destroying people like you or me. The daring part of me wants to take you away from them tonight for good… to keep you with me where the world will never get to take advantage of you ever again. Someone as shiny as you is easily manipulated by the world and I won’t let that happen. I’ll draw you into my chest and throw away the key. You were meant for me.”

Lilac stared back at him. There was nothing in her eyes that said she would refuse that statement. No, she was more than excited to hear those words. She wanted somewhere to belong as much as the next person and he was where she belonged. Small as it may have been, there was a smile on her lips.

It didn't matter what anyone did or said, he knew this was what she wanted all along. All of her fumbling and confusion, in the beginning, had been her trying to truly accept it. She could have what she wanted. Ray would whisk her away to a dreamworld he created and thrive in her bosom. He could have whatever he wanted tonight and there was nothing to rush back to work on.

He knew what he wanted.

“Take me away,” her command was simple but sincere.

Take her away? Oh, he could take her to paradise over and over again.

Ray knew just where they needed to be. He held her hand tightly as they left the center of the complex and headed toward their shared room. He knew what she was asking and she knew what he wanted.

Both of them were desperate to be able to grasp at the warmth inside of their hearts, and he would follow her down into the rabbit hole just to get a taste of it once more. The source of the party faded away as they took the stairs and grew further and further away. They didn't need the party to be complete. The only thing they needed was to be together. As long as they were together, nothing else mattered.

The door was locked behind them to avoid anyone coming in that didn’t belong in their symphony. Even though they were on the other side of the complex from the party, there was the faintest hum of violin strings tugging at the back of his head. That was his favorite melody… a somber melody that dug into his heart until he felt like he couldn’t grasp his dreams. But, no more did that song stand for the lack of warmth in his embrace. It stood for the yearning he felt for his princess to take away every ounce of pain from his body and rewrite it as if it were code meant to be overridden with love.

A faint breeze from the window made the curtains float and fluttered around them as they each took a spot in front of their window to gaze upon the garden below. The view from this room was unlike any other in the building. It was as if you were looking down upon a sea of flowers that could go on for miles. Even if you were to tumble from the window trying to get a better view, the impact would be braced by a humble bush of gentle petals. Lilac loved the look at the flowers. She tried so hard to count them all by type, genus, and petal but lost track every time she played the game.

Whereas, Ray preferred to count the faintest freckles that adorned her cheeks. While he could say she looked the prettiest in the sunlight, there was something so effervescent about seeing her moonlight. It was as if the light of the sun had decided to bless her with more beauty in the darkness. If somebody missed the sight of her in the daytime, they would never be able to miss her at night. How could anybody miss something so blindingly brilliant?

She was a guiding light who brought him home at night. She was his North Star. If he didn't know where he was and lost his way, she would remind him where he was meant to be. That passion was welling up inside of him the longer he watched her in the dark. His heartbeat began to thud in his ears.

He needed her to know. He needed to show it. Many things were burning in the back of his mind. He was captivated by her beauty and he knew he needed her to understand just how much he loved her. He would have done anything for her pleasure… her happiness.

She sacrificed for him to ensure he got what he wanted, and he would give her the world in return… even if he had to burn it down and build it anew to make it just right. There was an ugliness in the outside world he never wanted to see again, and he knew in his heart that if he had it his way, he wouldn’t want Lilac to see it, either.

Paradise had done wonders for her psyche in his mind. It took away her fears and allowed her to exist in a way that removed the discomfort that’d been thrust upon her shoulders at the start. She wasn't thinking too hard anymore. She didn't let her thoughts wander in a place they never should have in the first place.

To Ray, Lilac was at peace. Her head and heart were in the clouds and there was no better place to be. Instead of thinking about everything that could go wrong or everything wrong, she could enjoy a world where there was nothing to fear. She didn't have to use her brain anymore. She didn't have to figure out how to do things. She didn't have to force her body through something it couldn't keep up with. That was because Ray was taking care of everything.

Every need she had, he was on top of it. Her chronic pain? Taken care of before she could even wince. Her poor sleeping habits? Corrected with the right amount of attention. Her dietary needs to control her disability? Mended with the wave of his hand and a lot of his time spent researching the best way to keep her steady.

With his meticulous care, there was never going to be any hiccup in her future. In some ways, it made him feel good to know he could ensure that nobody ever felt this awful as he did. On his worst nights when he was haunted by sickness and grief, all he wanted was for somebody to take care of him that way.

 When his body was weary and tired, all he wanted was the feeling of somebody's hand against the top of his head. Now, he could do that for someone and he was happy to know he could. His devotion to her was stronger than anything in the world. All because she was the same as him and he refused to let her fall as he had. He would open his arms and catch her the way he dreamed someone would for him.

It was adorable how she wanted to do the same for him.

It wasn't as if he didn't want her to do things for him. She was fully capable of doing things, but he simply wanted to be the one that did for her instead. Oh, there was nothing he loved more than the days when she did something for him. Ray didn't want her to overwhelm herself when there was no need.

The last thing he wanted was for her to hurt herself trying to take care of him. She tried, though. She made clumsy attempts in the kitchen for him, trying to think about the best way to make a treat for him that was as good, if not better, than the one he made for her. He ate those meals no matter how they tasted, as it wasn’t the taste that mattered, it was the love she put into it. He could taste that.

Ray loved when she would return from the garden with a flower in tow. She valued their lives just as much as he did, and took great care to pick a flower for him that was on its last legs. He knew that anyone else in the world might feel upset or confused if they received a flower with diminishing petals or wilting roots, but not him. Withering flowers were closest to his heart. They were the ones that were overlooked.

If people poured their attention into flowers that were growing well, they would neglect to notice they could do something to help those that were on their last leg. Ray felt the strongest self of kinship with them. Of course, it was a shame when she let her desire to see him smile distract her from thorns and bristles. It was often she would come back to him with scrapes on her fingers and palms. He would sigh, click his tongue in distaste, and take her to another room where he could take care of her wounds. It wasn’t uncommon for her hands to need bandaids. Just as he would tend flowers that were left abandoned by the light.

Ray would nurture everything that was neglected by the cruel, unforgiving world. It made him better than those who had abandoned him. Of course, it did. It didn't matter what anybody said about it. He was better than they could ever be because he was. He was proving it every day by saving the one he loved.

His dedication to her would prove to be worth it. Unlike the liar and traitor, he was a good person. He was doing right and God had rewarded him. He struggled to believe in anything before that day she fell into his lap, but now, he believed.

He believed more than ever he was right. It was a frenzied feeling that was burning in the back of his head. He was tightly embraced by the realization that everything was working out the way it needed to. He had won, and no matter how many times he heard it, it was never enough. It was satisfying to know that he would always win going forward, but the fact remained that he couldn’t believe how much he’d won.

Ray grabbed her by the waist and pulled her in close, leaning over her form as his other hand cradled her face. His thumb pressed against the apple of her cheek as she blinked, watching him like a curious rabbit that didn’t know how wild its pursuer could become. His definition of love was obsessive and possessive. She understood that and loved him for it. She coveted it. Ray did not doubt in his mind.

She was his.

That infectious laughter he couldn't control felt like it was bubbling up to the surface again. The laughter burned in the back of his head with a voice that was his and not quite his at the same time. He was in control of his life and nobody could take that away from him. He felt the intense feeling of power surging inside of him. Nothing in his life could go wrong.

The only place from this point forward was up. The only thing he would taste going forward would be victory. Victory. That meant that he was the strongest person in his life, now. He was the strongest. He was stronger than all of them. He survived. He might have been a pathetic weed for as long as he could remember, but no more! Everyone had doubted him and now they were reaping what they sowed. They were the ones suffering. Not him.

Ray was strong!

Ray was capable!

“You’re mine,” he said, voice incredulous even though he knew that already. He could feel the weight of a ring on his hand. He stopped wearing his gloves once he was given this ring. He wanted to feel it. He wanted to see it. He wanted to know that it’d never disappear… just as his flower would never disappear. He didn't want it to be out of sight and out of mind. He wanted to know every time he looked down that there was another part of him out there. A part of him he had chosen, and a part that had chosen him in return to be theirs. It was much stronger to choose his bond than it was to be given one at birth.

It meant more to him to know someone wanted him.

Someone wanted him to be a partner… a husband… a man worth loving.

“Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine,” his feverish whisper felt uncontrollable now. As much as he wanted to sing her praise, it felt like the only thing he could do was remind her that she had been given what she dreamed about for years. His confidence had been growing from the moment he saw the way she wrote about him. It had been weeks since he felt an inkling of self-doubt in himself. It made him a better lover to be able to grasp at her face and whisper what he felt without feeling the urge to douse himself in cold water to make all those impulses go away. He deserved this warmth.

She had gifted him this warmth and he would return it until her mind was cloudy and hazy with nothing but a pool of love in her veins. That was his goal. If he could make her feel even an ounce of what he felt for her, it would all be worth it. The hiss at the back of his head urged him to prove it… to prove his feelings and the euphoria he desired.

He wanted to melt into her embrace until there was no telling where she started and where he ended. This wasn't like the first time they kissed. It wasn’t that feverish night in the garden when he saved her from her misery. It was built upon every night they spent together in the dark, whispering sweet nothings until one of them dozed off and the other watched until the darkness came for them.

He wanted this more than anything. He needed to hear that she wanted him so that any sort of unease would leave from his body forever. It was her gentle words that would take away all the pain every time they sprung up. He couldn't be haunted by the taunting voice in the back of his head. He couldn't be taunted because the taunts were no longer what they once were.

In the place of insults, there was more of a curiosity to dissect the woman in his arms. There was a wish to take her apart piece by piece so there was nothing hidden from view. Ray already knew who she was and what she meant to him, but there was a darkness that wanted a taste, too.

If you don’t take it, I will.

Ray’s indomitable spirit would normally shy away from a challenge, but he wouldn’t bend down to anyone… not even that curious voice that wanted to know more about what drove Ray into a frenzy. It wasn’t that he wanted to deny Saeran a taste of something so blissful… no, no.

He knew that Lilac would’ve given into anything Saeran wanted just as easily as she bent to his whims. Perhaps it was the selfish part of him that wanted more that didn't want Saeran to get a taste. It was nothing personal, it was simply that he had found her first and he wanted her more. He could prove he wanted her more than that… more than anyone else.

She was his.

Saeran would have to fight for it, later. Ray wouldn’t give up tonight. He had spent too long away from her side, too long for his liking, and he wouldn’t let her stray. With messy, haphazard kisses, he lost himself to his desires. She returned each of the kisses with a fervent yearning to be in his embrace.

It felt like the sun rising in the morning when it kissed his face for the first time and he could breathe anew. She inspired a sense of the new day every time they were this close, and he needed it like the birds needed to sing their song to awaken the world. He only paused briefly between each kiss to ensure that she had the air in her lungs to keep going, to keep drawing back to him to taste life on her lips as if it were saccharine cake she couldn’t get enough of.

“I love you,” her pouty lips managed against his. She lowered herself to the bed as they stumbled across the room., and he leaned over her to hold her face within his hands. It was warm. Even though he had left his jacket hung up in his workroom, he still felt like there were too many layers between them. “I love you, Ray.”

Say it again, his heart pleaded. Say it more and more and more until that’s all you can say. Say it until those are the only words you know how to say to me.

“Again,” his mint eyes glimmered in the moonlight as he watched her lean forward to meet his kiss once more. She knew what he meant. She always knew what he meant. That was because they were on the same wavelength. He didn't need to say what she already knew. It only further cemented how close their bond was. His desire to be with her unified them in ways that nobody would ever be able to understand. Not in the way that they understood each other.

“I love you,” she said.

“Again.”

“I love you.”

His voice was firm, “Again.”

Her trembling digits rose from her sides as she grabbed at his hands. She wanted to feel him. He wanted to feel her. She pressed his palms against her cheeks and breathed, her voice becoming louder as she gave him everything he wanted, “I love you, Ray!”

This was all Ray needed to be happy. This was all he needed to know what it felt like to be in paradise. This was everything he had imagined since he was a boy. This was the fairy tale he hoped to find once he was free from his chains.

It didn't matter if anybody tried to get in his way. Nobody was going to rip this away from him. He was going to drown in her feelings and know what it felt like to be loved. The bastards who had left him to feel abandoned would never know this feeling.

This was the scene he wanted to live out over and over—

Again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again.  

As long as Ray held Lilac in his hands, it wouldn’t matter what challenges stood in their way. He was no longer a wilting blue rose that left nothing to desire. He was the heliotrope. A symbol of salvation and undying devotion nothing could quell.

»»————-　♡　————-«« 

Author’s Note:

Happy Birthday to me! The best way to celebrate it is to dive back into my Self-Insert story. If you’re interested in reading the original story, please, feel free to check out the series via the AO3 link. It’s possible I will write more in that story sometime in the future if I find the motivation and people are interested in seeing what Danger Ray is capable of now that the RFA has fallen.

Mystic Messenger has been in my life since 2016. I’ve gone through so many life changes, good, bad, ugly, pretty, and everything in between. But, today, I want to feel thankful for this game because it saved my life. I know it saved others, too. It isn’t silly to say a game can change everything. It can. Never let anyone say that your enjoyment of something is childish or stupid. Enjoy what you love without a drop of shame, you guys.

It doesn’t matter if you’re 19 or 26.

As long as your smile burns brightest when you see the RFA, that’s all you need. I know that’s all I need. Thank you, RFA. Thank you, Saeran Choi. I will love you yesterday, today, tomorrow, and all my days yet to come.

[gggoldfinch]

ALSO please teach me how to make a carrd like yours if you’d be so kind

Totally! it was super fun to figure out how to curate it. Mine is pretty basic as far as carrds go, but it was my first try so 🤷🏻‍♀️ hjgdhhjdgjk. Shitty crash course tut under the cut

When starting a new site you have to choose from premade templates. This is the one I picked:

Text and images can be added, eliminated, and dragged around.

The background color, shape, borders, and animations can be edited simply by clicking on the elements.

When you first start it'll give you a menu prompt (see below):

The most important part is the + symbol, where you can find the dropdown menu of all the elements you can include (text, buttons, images, etc).

You can also check how it will appear in mobile format by clicking the little phone icon.

For text you click on prewritten text or add it via the dropdown menu.

Then edit by switching between the text tab (A) and the appearance tab (paintbrush) up at the top left of the screen, which should be prompted when you click on anything:

For links you have to do some funky stuff. For example, my first tagline is a song quote, so in the text box I had to put the quote in [brackets] and the html link in (parenthesis). This works for all text links:

You'll also observe in the image above that beneath the textbox is a list of formatting prompts (i.e. bold is achieved through typing **word**, and italics is achieved through typing *word*), which works for all text, not just links.

In the appearance tab (paintbrush) you'll see the main text color option, then colors specifically for links (link = main visible color, hover = color the text turns when you hover the mouse over it). You can change the text font, size, orientation, etc. in this tab:

Shifting gears, you can add buttons by consulting the dropdown menu (+) I mentioned earlier.

Buttons can be edited by adding labels & links to the little text section, then can be shifted, re-colored, etc. in the appearance tab:

The option for lists can also be found in that dropdown menu, and the different bullet point options can be found in the appearance tab (as you can see I chose heart bullet points for the top list and an X for the bottom):

All you need to do to create a new line within the list is hit your enter/return key. Bullet points are added automatically and won't appear in the text box.

Animating text (i.e. making it fade onto the screen when you scroll) can be achieved through consulting the third tab along side the text and appearance tabs (the play button).

You can choose what sort of animation you want, as well as options regarding duration and speed:

When you're done (and you have to make sure your account/email is verified), you save your progress by publishing the site. It requires a title, which will serve as the site link, and a description. You can return and edit afterwards too.

Hope this helps! I want to try to make a cooler one soon